Sassy Suspect

new address

2007-02-21T07:15:00.000-08:00

please email me for new blog site at j77henry@yahoo.com

test

2006-07-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

ddada

pretzel fondue

2006-02-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

pretzel fondue
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Group

2006-01-02T19:34:00.000-08:00

Group
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Thanks giving fun with nieces

2005-11-26T12:58:00.000-08:00

Thanks giving fun with nieces
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

2005-11-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

happy

me,Jack, Kristina Astro

2005-10-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

me,Jack, Kristina Astro
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

me,Jack, Kristina Astro

2005-10-19T14:25:00.000-07:00

me,Jack, Kristina Astro
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

me,Jack, Kristina Astro

2005-10-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

me,Jack, Kristina Astro
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

me,Jack, Kristina Astro

2005-10-19T14:23:00.001-07:00

me,Jack, Kristina Astro
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

me,Jack, Kristina Astro

2005-10-19T14:23:00.000-07:00

me,Jack, Kristina Astro
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Sunday

2005-10-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

Sunday
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Sunday

2005-10-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

Sunday
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Sunday

2005-10-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

Sunday
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

test

Flickr

2005-10-03T08:29:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Flickr

2005-10-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

What the?

2005-10-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

What?
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

This weekend was one for the books. There’s been a lot of drama.

Thursday evening I tossed my napkin on the chair and told my coworker,

“I’ve gotta get out of here. This stomach ulcer is killing me.”
“Damn, your leaving me alone? You’re going to miss the boring speeches”
“You’ll miss me. I know.”

I shouldn’t be drinking, with an ulcer and all. I know. It’s like a physician who smokes. But…

Two hours later I pointed to the side of the bar and pointed out a man I had shamefully flirted with while volunteering at the Astrodome.
Erin buckled and said, “It is. The Volunteer Nazi”

I found trouble hiding. Yup. Leave it to my friends to casually meet up for a drink and invite mayhem. My headache Friday morning thanks you very much. However, I did finally find out the Volunteer Nazi’s name. And. We’ll save that for later.

In the mean time, relationships are tough. I make them tougher. Your friends should look out for you. That’s why they are your friends. They should stop you from crossing a busy street type of thing. Sometimes, a friend thinks, in her heart of hearts she’s saving you from danger. From being run over by a MAC truck and.

And.

Perhaps. She is

Like a persistent matador, I’m insistent on learning lessons for myself. Maybe her restraint will be wrong or maybe she’ll be right. Time will tell.

Oh and YEAH ASTROS – here we go again.

And then

2005-10-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

And then
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Kristina, Me, Trisha, Marie

2005-10-03T08:24:00.001-07:00

Kristina, Me, Trisha, Marie
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Sunday

2005-10-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

Sunday
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Whoops

Polka allowed

2005-08-08T05:56:00.000-07:00

Cake
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

“Maybe that’s all family really is, all the same people dreaming of an imaginary place.” Zach Braff said it in Garden State. I heard the line playing through my head as my father and uncle playfully teased one another over the fact that Money Magazine had rated Moorestown, New Jersey the best place to live and Naperville, Illinois #3 (my uncle lives there) Pissing contest . . . that’s only the beginning.

We’ve all been homesick for a place that doesn’t really exist. It’s a strategy, a strange idea, and our imaginary world. Of starting and ending sentences with prepositions, home baked cookies and home made perogies with real sour cream. Some would cringe at the mention of a reunion. Your knee deep in relatives and questions; deeper than a canyon with no escape.

Blood + Life = FAMILY.

After arriving in Ohio my brother said he would be waiting at the car rental, “You’ll see me when you walk outside I am in a SUV.” I saw him . . . or so I thought. I opened the back hatch, threw my luggage in the back, and climbed in the passenger seat. The man driving smiled and said, “Where are we going?”

My unprotective brother sat watching the entire thing. Ha Ha.

It’s “awesome” to think that we are family knowing we get along like champagne and strawberries. More than friends and deeper than soul – a baritone Barry White gliding through life with hugs and cheers. A family of practical jokers spread out like the Star of David. Boston, New Jersey, P.A., Florida, L.A., Manhattan, San Fran, S.D., Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Chicago, and Houston.

I miss them already but don’t miss the questions. I’d make a horrible celebrity.

Ronda

2005-05-19T05:39:00.001-07:00

Ronda
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Ronda

2005-05-19T05:39:00.000-07:00

Ronda
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

This is my best friend Ronda, she sent me this stilll shot from an independant film she is currently filming.

OMG Ronda whatever you do "DON'T SAY CANDY MAN, CANDY MAN, CANDY MAN!"

http://www.sevenandahalfseals.com

On another random note:

I tried to make an appointment with a vendor today bu apparentlythe IT world is on hold, as Star Wars fans everywhere watch the latest film. There is a group outing to view the movie. If there was ever an opportunity to hack a system or unload a virus it is today.

It was only a kiss

2005-05-16T01:56:00.000-07:00

Friday: Erin running down the street with new friend Mike singing 2Pac as his friend tells me how much money he makes. I wanted to flog him for his stupidity. It's horrible to be 32, attractive, a good conversationalist then to ruin it all by saying, "I make a lot of money"

Not enough to feed your friends. He ate the flower at Komodo's and popped a button on his retro shirt. Funny at first then questionable

Saturday: I rolled out of bed with a head pounding from the night before, unsure if the culprit was the Bullblasters or Whataburger. I phoned D-Love and told her I was on my way. Fabulous - get here as soon as you can.
Barely 11:00 am and they were drinking. Art cars are a anomaly. Strangely fascinating and funny to watch. A large crew had gathered for prefestivities bloody mary's and sangria, toxicly lethal kamikazes. To the parkway for the parade. Political conversations ensued, "Is he going to lower my fucking taxes?" embarrassed and horrified I ran to cover the 5 year olds ears. Baby Jesus can I deduct 2 minutes of my life?
20 versions of Elvis (pssssttt he's alive), ladies taking baths in tubs with wheels, roller girl, Steve stalked the Playboy Bunny car, Jen and I keeping each other vertical as he motioned for us to come in the car . .. . he had candy (I never learned the stranger and candy equation)

Back at the house to replenish:

His back was to the crowd and hers was to him. She looked at me as we gushed over the avocado dip. Smiling and laughing we noticed the pudgy man in the corner can juggle jello. He became aware of our lurking eyes and tossed us plastic containers. I barely caught mine, she laid her hand out as it swept past her fingertips heading for the floor. He was behind her and caught it. His laughter broke AT us as he handed her the jello and promptly went to get us some well needed water.

His eyes said it all and the way they touched, she never turned around, she knew he was there. Dating a year, yes the man should love the woman just a smidge more.

On to the pool 40 or so of us went. I am a hazard to myself - phi beta stupid moment as I dove in 4 feet of water. The scrape on my chin is horrific. I miss the skin, a drunken travesty I am slathering with Neosporin.

Sunday: Babe, it' 10:21 planes to catch and family to hug. Tierra's and boas for her birthday celebration for my niece. I had drunken baby syndrome. Happy Birthday - a year really does change everything.

Table dance

2005-05-15T22:48:00.000-07:00

Please update i have moved here
Sometimes your independent to a fault. She told me not meaning it as the compliment I took it as. I like to do things on my own and have a problem asking for help. Im not a soldier wounded in battle who needs others to lean on. I dont do victim. Its weak and causes people to look at you as though you need help. HELP! Sometimes its a persons weakness that endears you to them. Once their fixed they aren't as likeable. Im full of dysfunctions and weaknesses. I dont wear them on my sleeve like a badge of honor. They are the black tape on my arm like a platoon remembering a fallen hero. Dramatic, but not tragic.

We all maneuver our way through the dark looking for the same basic necessities in life. Food, water, clothing, shelter, love and companionship. Each of us unique in our very own way. I love the ME that I am and despise the unglued obsessive needy me I become in relationships. Minutes turn into hours as I try to answer all of the unanswered questions. Wondering when and if he will call or ask to see me. Dashing for my phone after a brief recess when it is not tucked safely in my pocket looking for missed calls. The incessant emails shared between my girlfriends and I hypothesizing his next move. I become unglued and vulnerable. I despise being vulnerable I would rather be single free to be a tourist in my own city than sitting at home waiting and wondering when hes going to call.

The needy codependent gal is only satiated by him

This is why I will sabotage a relationship. I will flee from a relationship scared of losing the ME and becoming an US faster than the speed of light. You'll blink and I'll be gone wondering what happened and where things went wrong. At the first hint of rejection I will be lacing up my emotional self ready to sprint away. By the time you notice I am gone I have lapped you twice. Its a lot easier to wave the white flag and throw a left hook in defense, my weapon of fear.

I really like you
Dont tell me that
Why? I do
Ill run, its what I do. Show me dont tell me

File under Introspection

Dahhhhling /BS

2005-05-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

Maybe it’s just me, but the place exploded like an atom sending dust particles of hem and haw. Drinks were poured and sloshed toasting. Like it was a fad going out of style, emphasis on the Daaaahhhhling. Glasses were broken as the free vodka ran out. A virus of knock off Louis Vitton and cheap Prada were the rage. Like I said, maybe it’s just me, but I prefer my sandals and flip flops to Gucci, Prada, or Louis Vitton it’s all so passé and easy. Like Tiffany jewelry. It’s a safe bet when all the chips are down place your money on the highest ranked. Over priced and unimaginative, but safe. The safety school of style – stick with the basics, even if it’s fake. And smile as the girl who’s dating your ex glares at you from across the bar.
I lied – which I rarely do.

“BABY – so good to see you! I saw your name on the evite. Did you see mine and know I was going to be here?”

Tapping my foot and feeling the breeze across my sandals, “Yes, baby I did.”

I lied

I wonder if I am one of those, which I know I am. We all are. Standing there with our oh so pretty friends, oh him, yeah I know him do you? It’s her clothing line, she owns the store down the street. I am friends with the bar owner. I know the rockets players, yeah him, we used to date. Oh yeah – well….

I wonder if we are ever really happy or if we look for the safety school. Sticking with the basics. I don’t like the basics, they are over priced and lack substance. Mom says, “basic is black and boring – anyone can wear black, it takes style to wear color.”
The routine of life as we strap ourselves in with a harness not taking the chance and betting on the lesser known. He may break my heart and I may not get into grad school but it won’t be imitation or lies. It will be all new full of color and tears, free falling baby – that’s what it’s about.

Don't call me Dahhling

100_0026

2005-05-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

100_0026
Originally uploaded by private idaho.

Just thought I would say hi.

Skipping Record

2005-05-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

Apparently he works on Quarters, calling every 3 months to see if his lossess have made any gains or future investments. Babe, it's like a 401K you forgot to transfer - time to chalk it up as a loss.

A Year Ago - b/c he called today
Children should be told that a good thing in life will not wait forever.
We spend 6 months of our lives waiting in line passing time waiting for things to happen. Standing there unable to move. Blood racing through our veins, cells mutating, heart pounding, growth and reproduction is inevitable.

But there I stood in my sterile world unable to move waiting.

And I stopped reading the strategically placed emails while my cell phone remained silent. So that any live conversations are postponed until “he is READY” to deal with it. Maybe it is not that he does not love or is being selfish, maybe he just exists in every current moment (why I think I should feel little better). Perhaps he is in love with being in love. Like a child who gets a new toy leaving behind the older tattered one. The new one appears shiny. For that moment, he ranks his trip to gym, or a drink with that woman he said was a buddy a higher priority than me.

Marginal utility of everything around him is deemed equal, conveniently, so that in that make believe equilibrium, it is justified for him to not sacrifice one thing over another, me over others.
For each moment I am spending wondering about what we had, between us I am over-drafting my bank of dignity and self respect. All the while putting it in a bottomless bag of love that I was dying to hang on to, scared to lose, unable to leave behind, and ready to share.

But in the world of love by the selfish and the weak-hearted, we will only be truly missed when we are gone, not being there when in demand.

I did not want to stay around for Mr. Preoccupied while I continue acting cool and aloof.

File under memories

2005-05-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

"Whats your theme song?"
"My what?"
"Ya know your theme song, the song that describes you and always picks you up?"

Blankly, I replied, "You want to know what my theme song is."

I visibly rolled my eyes at her. I couldnt help it, it was inevitable. A theme song? Thats more cliché than identifying with Alley McBeal or Carrie Bradshaw. She waited, glaring at me as though it was a simple question such as, whats you favorite color?

"Okay perhaps I am asking you the question wrong. A song that picks you up when you are feeling down."
"And its supposed to describe my life and the life I want to believe I am living?
"Something like that."

Looking at her I knew she was serious and wanted an honest response from me. She was sincere in her question, any response I could give would have been grabbing at cultural straws trying and reaching for the answer she was looking for. I was not aware of this cultural phenomenon where I am supposed to allow a repetitive chorus followed by a few guitar solos to define my life.

"Come on now Ive read some of your blog, you must have a song."

I wanted to blurt out and say, Baby, I am a lot more than my blog and a fucking song.
Instead I replied, Ill have to get back to you on that one.

Do most people have a theme song?
After going for my run this evening and realizing the one song I tend to loop on my IPOD is "Express Yourself" by Salt N' Peppa -its a little old but has lots of rhythm

Wallowing

2005-05-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

It’s the start of spring and I am sick. My body is here attached to the keyboard while my head floats around the office aimlessly. I am pretty sure if I stare out the window long enough I will have an out of body experience flying around Houston checking out all of the construction. I’ll wrap my shirt over my head and do my best Flying Nun impersonation. –weeeee here we go I’m free!

I just touched my cheek, it brought me back to reality. I am no longer doing impersonations. It’s alive –mughhhahaha! Sitting at my desk, my eyes are so tired they are trying to hibernate while the phone keeps ringing and office mate won’t stop yelling. I want the comfort of my couch and my rose colored fleece.

Swallowing feels like a frog is playing ping pong with my uvula. When I talk my eyes droop and my head is hung low. I feel like a cross between yo sammity sam and bugs bunny. What’s up doc? The stuff isn’t working I feel loopy, cartoon like.

I am starting to be able to breathe out of both nostrils again but DQ, my boss, is heading this way and he might start to wonder why I am braiding the carpet and making rubber band balls. It’s the meds boss I swear.

Command the Chicken

2005-05-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

Not sure if this is freaky or funny

Command the Chicken

UM

2005-05-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

I hadn't planned on blogging today a friend attacked me for being lazy when it comes to dating. YUP I AM - bored of it that is.

Email began:

HIM:
Dating does suck.. I agree with you completely or may be I am just your typical serial dater. Seriously, either you are too picky or just not looking for the right type of men or just looking too hard or attracted to losers or players or looking for perfect. Single or otherwise, life's about
being happy with yourself first which from the look of things you do (at least on the exterior). And personally, you got very little competition amongst your gender when it comes to dating men ! I don't know a single guy who does not like a nice, attractive, funny, outdoorsy, cultured girl.

ME: (big sigh) We all have our own faults I know mine and wear them like a scarlet letter. Its the whole thing of trying to be whom we want others to see us as game. I dont put myself out there like I should, as a lot of us don't. Sometimes its easier to sit at home and read filling my head with useless knowledge than to play Paris Hilton.

We all have our ways of not dealing with dating, why didnt we talk to the person who was giving us the look from across the bar or the guy in the corner? Instead we are left with the perpetual "What if" and "I wonder". We shoot ourselves down before anyone else has the opportunity to. Its a sick and twisted game which is lazier than a man sitting down to pee.

Where are my caffeine pills?

Runaway

2005-05-02T13:05:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those weekends where the whole thing feels like a brand new adventure? Only you are not paired up with one of your good friends for the journey. Every turn you take – you take alone. Instead of being timid or shy of what’s around the corner you charge full force ahead. Directionless – but laughing the entire time. Flashbacks of Goonies ready for the next challenge.

That was my weekend. Except . . .

I disappear on people –
It’s a habit I have always had.
I’m independent to a fault.

Friday started out simple enough going to a friend’s birthday party (Mom if your reading you should stop reading now before you start fearing for my safety). At the party, I ran into a good buddy of mine who was with 3 very good looking guys. Just by looking at them one could tell they were the right kind of wrong but with a Three Stooges personality. Fingers snapped and I was in a cab with them on my way to another bar.

I never said good-bye to the b-day girl

30 minutes later

My phone rings – hey it’s M – I am up the street a bar that just opened next to BW3’s

I can walk there right?

I never said goodbye and walked up the street

The layout was nice, clean wide angled edges with a crisp sharpness to the bar. I quickly found my friends but something was very out of place. My friend was wearing a shirt underneath a shirt. I like the layer look but - it was a tattoo shirt, the bottom shirt is supposed to make it look like you have tattoos on your arms (M – if your reading this – you’ll never live it down, your still a bad ass – minus the tattoos.)

After a good hour there I was outside making new friends when the birthday girl called. Feeling like a child who ran away from home, I hailed a cab and jetted back to the original bar.

I never said good-bye to M.

It’s dangerous to disappear. On the nights I perform my vanishing act I will wake up the next day to numerous miscalls and J – WTF – WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Those that know me are accustomed to the tried and true ritual of me disappearing into thin air. I don’t do anything I shouldn’t do, I don’t go home with strange men and I’d like to think I could drop kick someone’s ass if they tried to hurt me,
(like to think).

Offense

2005-04-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

“You want to drink a red? Are you sure? You’ve been drinking Sauvignon lately. . . ? “

“Yes Pinot Please.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

I looked at him wondering why he was dissecting my simple response as to what type of wine I want to drink with dinner. Does he not think I know what I want? Can he see me the sweat accumulating on my palms? Do I really want to be here at dinner with him or with someone who can read my mind knowing I want red tonight. Now he’s got me questioning myself.

"Yes Pinot."

Do I know what I want? A simple question red or white. The taste of red and white and the way they swirl around the glass meshing with my entrée are as different as night and day. As are all the men I have dated.

My reds are strong clean men that are stable. They are the man’s man opting to go watch football or chop down a tree instead of attending Rea’s art opening with me. The reds are my challenges; they know how to handle my brassy edges. They go to work and breakdown corporate execs looking for their faults rationalizing how to win the deal. These are the GQ’s I have dated. Centered and self assured always sticking to the TO DO LIST and freaking out if you sidestep. They are stable and predictable.

If you pick a cabernet vine to early or late it will ruin the wine turning it into a marinade for cheap meat.

The whites are crisp, clean, adventurous, and aloof. The artists and marketers of my world painting me the big picture on canvas. Surprises of butterflies and honey suckles’ left on my door step with out a cause. Everyday is a new adventure and fun. Running around the city palm to palm vacationing everyday. They lack the serious side. But allow me/us to dream we can live on pennies and pickles sight seeing every day. Just writing that makes me want to be Paris Hilton. They lack a planning ability, it’s frustrating and occasionally down right rude. That’s the thing with white wine, put in the back of the fridge for weeks, months, years, when you’re ready to use it ‘LETS GO!’

In the weekend warrior world of bar hopping I am on the prowl searching. We are all searching for what? It’s a personal question weather you are looking for booty, friends, relationships, or to forget your problems. We search for the happy ending even if it is fleeting the moment it begins. We have to believe it’s out there. I know it exists and I used to think I knew what I wanted until this guy questioned my judgment. And now, I am still a little tipsy from the Pinot. It’s to late for laundry, for pie, for the bubble bath I have been longing, for saving a lost friendship I worry is doomed, for fixing my mis-citations, for drunk dialing my Mom and Dad . . . again, perhaps one more glass of wine. A meritage perhaps.

After rereading my entry seems a blush would be in order for the blend I am looking for. A dusted off bottle of red zin.

2005-04-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

They stood in a perfect line mimicking every move I made. Their hats were pushed to the left with a sideways slant representing the slightest bit of style. I could tell it was going to be one of those days they color outside of the lines with a purpose.

"Very good now loosen up your shoulders and put a little bounce in your knees. You've got it. Now let's start from the chorus - 1....2....3"

"If yah status ain't hood
I ain't checkin for yah
Betta be street if he lookin at me
I need a soldier!"

She walked into the room trying not to smile barely brushing my shoulder.

"Thank-you for teaching my kids hip hop. Kids get your shoes and say good-bye to Aunt Jess. We need to be on time for preschool."

Tool Gal

2005-04-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

Because it's raining outside and I don't feel like draggin my booty to the gym - it's Monday - gimme a break! This is one of those nights where the single life is helping me improve my tough girl skills. I borrowed a drill from the maintenance guys at my apartment complex to hang shelves. Figuring out how to change the drill bit was like looking for the last piece of the puzzle. I did it! Then came the hard part - making two dots in a straight line to hang the shelf. I gingerly picked up the drill and gripped it tightly. I stared at the wall admiring it's smooth surface, I was about to disfigure the wall. It will never again be the same, sure they can respackle it, but the scar will remain. My eyes narrowed, I zoned in (the wall didn't make a move)
BAM!!! I drilled it Baby!

On another note - I bought an IPOD Mini this past weekend I have lost it 3x already. It's smaller than a finger in chili

2005-04-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

A straight man singing a gay man’s verse – belting at the top of his lungs as he changes the lyrics Old School style. “I fuckin really need you tonight – total eclipse of my *&^%” I laughed and took a shot – acting out the scene with Ronda. The man in the corner did not move, the other would not stop watching her. Breaking away from the scene he walked up to me and said, “So who do you know here?”

“Ronda – she’s my best friend”

Shot down! A total ECLIPSE … he walked away. Then grabbed me by the arm to dance with him,”Sorry buddy – I am not comfortable with this.” You truly can’t hit on a girls best friend or any of their friends. I don’t care if your not dating, an ex, or you had sex just once. It’s not to be done. .

Several years ago I was out with a friend and her favorite ex boyfriend. She said to me, “Joe’s going to hit on you – he already told me he thinks you’re hot, and he has a thing for red heads. It’s okay you can date him.”

“And you’d be okay with that?”

“Yes, he’s a great guy”

“You might be okay with that but I am not okay with that”

In the code of friendship would you pass around an ex like hot potato? I have him, now it’s your turn – the music turns off and there you are busted ruled out of the game. I have lost friends for this – well it was a similar selfish act. Men are territorial and so are women.

Dating a friend's ex or dating an ex’s friend is just morally incorrect. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and to go down that road is just selfish and disrespectful. Sure, my girlfriends have dated some good-looking guys with great qualities, but I wouldn't even consider a relationship with them because of the simple fact that they have a history with a friend. If anyone does that to a friend, then they aren't a real friend at all. There's just no excuse for it.

2005-04-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

The weekend got a jump start as I was walking through my parking garage I noticed a rather tall and cute guy unloading cases of red bull. I had to comment.
"Your either studying for law school and staying up for weeks or having a party"
He smiled, "Neither, I work for red bull I get these all the time"
Oh- my humor evaporated into embarassment. I walked faster towards my apartment as he said
"regular or sugar free?" I looked over my shoulder at him and coyly replied,
" Sugar free, hi I'm Jess - I just moved in".

The nigh

DUMB SOUTH CAROLINA

2005-04-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

If you have not heard all of the smart assed jokes about South Carolina being ridiculed for being down right backwards, crawl out of the cave you’re living in.

Because it is.
It’s beautiful in various parts of the state. I love Charleston, S.C. and want to retire there with my YaYa’s. Southern Hospitality truely exists (I still say mam and sir a lot). There are a lot of progressive thinkers who believe in equal rights for everyone but it's not stressed that they are from S.C. The easiest and most P.C. way to sum up the other parts of the state is I will never ride my bike out of fear some redneck will run me off the road in his pick up just to prove a point. In college I wrote a paper concerning the removal of the confederate flag from the State building. The year was 1997 people! Yes – 1997 –can you believe it stayed flying high above the capital of South Carolina for that long? The South will rise again and Texas will secede – not likely. I’ll be the first one to call BULL SHIT.

And now Tiffy has just informed me of the following.

“Here goes...two laws were up for change from misdemeanors to felonies. One was cock fighting the other criminal domestic violence. Well, it's now a felony charge to cock fight in SC but you can still beat your wife with a slap on the wrist. Look up Rep. Altman who was on air when he called the journalist stupid and dimwitted when asked about the reason for cocks before chicks.”

Pardon my dust

2005-04-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

I have not been posting much, hell even I am bored after rereading my last few posts. My birthday celebrations and my kid sisters b-day took up a good bit of time (this is my excuse).

I will soon unveil a new mask to hide behind. I acknowledge I am not fully hidden from you like the time Sarah walked up and said, "So I have to ask you something - are you . . . ?"

Me: "Yes, it's me - I think your a great writer"

Sarah: "I read your blog everyday"

We stood there and smiled at one another - flattered and exposed.

soon to be sassysuspect.com

slave

2005-04-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were in elementary school and the teacher would pick you to help on a special project? That project usually included cutting, stapling, running copies, taking things down the hall, etc. At the time your young naive mind did not realize it was child labor. You thought you were special because you were picked to "help".

As an adult - your not special - your a tool! After arriving at the office half an hour early this morning to finish up some paper work my boss saunters in and says, "Hey - how'd you like to help your boss out?" This wasn't really a question, he had pieced together his request as a proverbial favor.
I looked up at him thinking, okay I will stop making you and the company money and "help ",

I replied, "Only if I get mucho brownie points."

DQ: "But of course"

Ventings

2005-04-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

Once again its the start of the week and I am having focusing problems I looked around my apartment this morning taking a stock of the weekends various events. An over turned wine glass in the sink, a half read novel with the pages bent down, a beach towel, happy birthday cards, flowers, my gym clothes, a Playboy magazine someone left at my house (note to self dont discuss articles with new neighbors in PB), and a mind that does not know which way to go with a friendship.
How does one address a friend whom has lied to you? You know they have lied - you caught them fair and square they walked into the corner and can't find a way out. In my ever so subtle manner I expressed my disgust and hurt. After asking her why she out right lied, I want to believe her story I dubbed "The Drunken Curse." It was a a lie a detail she forgot she told me, thats the problem with lies; you forget who you said what to.

I have the propensity to walk away from drama; I dont want to be involved. Its to much to handle the crap of he said she said and you were my friend first BS. If I wanted drama I would watch the soaps. Have you ever pondered the irony of soap operas containing the word soap? Soap cleanses one to get rid of grime and dirt. Ironically, on soap operas everyone cheats lies, and steals - the whole show is scandalous. Perhaps they are always reaching fro the soap? Just a thought.

Monday morning - apology accepted.

2005-04-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

Patiently waiting

2005-04-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a whirlwind of a weekend. Kicking off with a $300.00 shopping splurge at Target of all places. woo hoo - whoa now am really going borderline crazy.

Saturday night Booger - my kid sister - came down with hubby in tow for a night out on the town. Thank-you so much to all my friends who ensured she had a great time. This was a birthday, hiccup, that I am sure she will never forget.

2005-04-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

I thought you all forgot - I felt like the kid who couldn't play kick ball because the teams were uneven. Depressed and self-involved it was awful. In my natural escapism fashion I laced up my shoes and went for a run. After all - the next day was a Tuesday - who goes out on a Tuesday?

Not expecting anymore than a few happy emails and elated phone calls I woke up with the sun peaking through my blinds telling me it was time to hit the gym. A bird was squawking outside my window, it's better than a rooster was all I could think. Screw the gym - I walked to Starbucks. Upon my return - you all remembered and had contacted me by 9:00 am.

The rest of the day was awesome -from the time I got to the office till I laid my head down at 2:00am. I can't forget Lindsey singing Flashdance and the whole bar singing to me. ( my face flushed and matched the color of my hair).

Thanks

Shameless - Happy 28th

2005-04-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

I don't eat meat, chicken, beef or seafood. ...None at all.
I laugh when I am sad, and cry when I am hurt.
I get very giggly when I am tired.
When you tell me a secret and tell me not to tell anyone I won’t.
I get lost in multi-club venues...and can't remember where my tab is.
I love wine not whining

My idea of a Sunday is going for a run, reading the paper or a book, catching a game, or brunching with friends
I don't date midgets.
I can't manage drunkenness and stairs

I fall down a lot. (when I am drinking)
I love lounge gymnastics too much (have been known to do cartwheels in the hall)

I'm so scatter brained that I will have to go out and buy a duplicate item of something I just bought and lost two days ago.
If I am reading or writing, I will totally block you out if you try to talk to me.
I love playing practical jokes, and hate having them played on me

I am extremely blunt and have a tendency to open my mouth and speak my mind no matter how hard I try to control myself.
I drink like a fish and curse like a sailor, but I don't know if this is a minus or a plus.

I don't play dumb, ever.
I am lousy at forgiving myself.

I'm a huge sports nut. I'll talk about them with any one, even if you have no clue what I'm talking about.
I'm very indecisive, no I ‘m not, yes I am.
I get bored easily and become antsy

I have a very flirtatious nature.

I tend to talk very loud and lack a volume control

Just when you think you've got me fixed, I throw another dysfunction at you to begin the process all over again.

I have a low tolerance for dishonesty. I say it like it is and hold nothing back. I expect the same out of anyone I associate with. An omission is a lie in my book.

Yes my hair is naturally red and no you can’t make me prove it.

Ethan Hawke walked in on me in the bathroom when I was 6 yrs. Old.

I will never again have a roommate

I will never live with someone, again – until I am married.

I have a tough girl attitude but am a real softie.

I’m pro adoption and pro choice.

I would make a good mom someday, but will settle for making an awesome aunt.

I’m not a jealous person.

If you’re going to hold my hand – HOLD IT.

My favorite time of the day is dusk.

I talk to my Mom everyday

I don’t care about a guy’s car and watch. Treat me right

I look in the mirror when I am driving

I can drive with my knees

I love a warm towel

I call people Babe and Dude – A LOT!

I love LOVE

My favorite move is The Princess Bride

I ask people if they want my cat, but could never part with her.

I miss my best friend from high school.

I was 48^th in the nation for cycling in 2002

I have scars from road rash from falling off my bike at 30 mph.

I have run 2 marathons

I have bad knees

I can crack my back on demand

I heart John Cusack and Zach Braff

I’ve never cheated, but have been cheated on.

I believe in Karma

I can still do the Splits.

I know right from wrong – it’s a choice we all make.

I don’t believe in friends of convenience.
I have lived more places then people twice my age.
I have amazing parents.
When people say, "you know how siblings are" like it's a statement - no I don't. Their my best friends.
When I was 5 I was in a Annie Look A Like contest and was runner up.
I think runner up is a strange term.

I still want to be a doctor, a lawyer, and Wonder Woman.

2005-04-11T11:05:00.001-07:00

When I was younger and acted up, Mom and Dad would threaten me.
They said, “If you don’t behave – you can’t watch TV. for a week!”This was terror to the ears of a child, I would cringe and shape up immediately. I will do anything, but please – don’t take my television viewing pleasures away. The idea of being deprived of watching 90210, Saved By The Bell, Three’s Company, and many others -- even for one week -- threw me into fits of strife that to say I was difficult is an understatement. . My parents were accustomed to me being difficult – without hesitation -they would yank the cord.

After college, I never made an effort to purchase a new television. I resigned myself to late nights with friends, reading books, talking on the phone, and surfing the web for hours on end. The television is my peripheral nonessential form of entertainment. It’s there for news in the mornings with The Today Show and a guilty dose of Reality T.V. That’s it.

If someone were to disconnect my wireless router or hide my Blackberry I may well become an uber- bitch Medusa style. If I really want to find something out or understand a situation I’ll fill my head with useless information that I have Googled.

And now, this weekend I have committed my self to purchase a TV. Part of my decision is for ascetic purposes. I have the perfect place in my apartment for it. Buy once - buy well – make it HD with a good sound system.

Phase 2

2005-04-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

There are the guys who get your pulse going a little, but these are invariably the emotionally unavailable guys. Melancholy Hipster Boy, for example, who send you lots of friendly emails and text messages. He makes it obvious that he wants to hang out with you but then when you do hoof it over to his apartment at 9 pm for pecan pie (when you really should be in bed so you can get up at a ridiculous time to go work out), he spends the whole time talking about himself. Like Helloooo! I am here! Do you notice me? Did I bring the fermion's?

It is just discouraging sometimes, people. And I dont have time for it. Between trying to become a super star sales diva, a rock star, an Aunt, a sister, a friend, and not to mention holding down a full-time job, I don't have much patience for this stuff anymore.

On a side note, I have been able to go to some good ball games this week. Still a little miffed about buying my boss tickets to the Stro's game then he's like," Hey can you see me up there? I'm in the club."

Nice.

Taking Chances

2005-04-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

He leaned in for a kiss in the middle of the game. The GAME - I came over to hang out and watch the game. I was knocked off balance and asked, "What are you doing - don't be silly . . . I can’t see the TV.”
He said, but we kissed before.” I stared him down while thinking of a million ways to let him down easy - yeah we kissed it was a peck kiss, that’s all. Nothing more nothing less. I kissed him the same way I kiss would kiss my grandpa. A simple peck on the forehead with a heart felt see you soon. He froze, unsure of what just happened. "Yes we did," I started to stammer, not the Hugh Grant adorable way of stammering, more like Gilbert Godfrey. How do I explain he was in the friend zone? Once I’ve decided you’re in the friend zone. There is no escaping. "Don't be silly, we are neighbors - let’s keep it at that"
We sat there for a few awkward moments. As usual, I made some comment that was a hell of a lot funnier in my head. He glanced over at me still unsure of how to act, told me I was a dork and laughed. Mean while I silently prayed his suave attempt to achieve player status had been thwarted. As I left his apartment to go home he said, "I have a lot of friends I'm not looking for anymore." I blurted out, "Then I guess we can't be friends." He threw the white flag in the air and said, "Let's talk later"
I recall all the Harry Met Sally conversations I have shared with my friends and buddies as to weather or not men and women can be friends. It's an age old question. There are several types of male friends. One being the buddy, the guy who initially notices your womanly curves and thinks you’re cute. At the start of the friendship he angled a few lines to see if you would bite. Unknowingly you turned him down; you didn't even see the bait dangling. He would jump up and down yelling, "Hello do you like me?" You failed to recognize the clues. If you did see the clues, you cast them aside saying to yourself, “I don’t like your bait – I want the one on the upper west side who knows his way around the Loop.” This fish has joined the school of minnows. As Toby says, he’s a “Stripey”. After he acknowledged your lack of attraction, once again he felt the pain of rejection. He brushed his shoulders off and became the guy you call for dating advice. He loves you, respects you, and wants the best for you. Now he’s one of your best buds. This is what I encountered last night.

In rare circumstances after years of being “just friends" SOMETHING changes. The dynamics of the relationship shift. A cold front, turning 30 or 40, changing cologne, to many glasses of cheap merlot, whatever -you begin to see this person for whom they truly are, your best friend and lover. That's what we all want isn't it? But if the attraction isn't there: no promise of tomorrow can exist. Wouldn't that be great if we could buy attraction? Purchase it from a street vendor the same way we buy soft pretzels. Mmm nice and doughy, the perfect combination of salt and substance. Spray fermions over the ones we wish we were attracted to or were attracted to us? Instead it's like trying to grab a prize with a crane. You see the one you want; the coloring is appealing, right size and shape. The geometrics and positioning of the beast look attainable and … you take a chance. You have to!

2005-04-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

Me: "Carlin, how are you?"
Her: "We're fine - and you?"

She is now plural - there is no more I in her life of motherhood. She's still the independent brassy gal I adore - almost done with the PHD program at UPENN - 2 beautiful kids and a husband. It's hard not living close to you and seeing your kids and hubby. On days like today I can't help but think, I want to talk to my older sister. I want her to grab my hand and jump into a time machine. Can we have a snow day today? Even though it's April, I want a snow day. Or I want to be sent home because the snow is piling up outside.
Remember how we would leap off the bus careful not to drop our precious art project that was worth a hundred million dollars? Once inside we would rush to see who could get dressed in their snow outfits first. You’d put on those fluffy pink earmuffs Mom bought at Woolworths. Hurry - we only have 3 more hours of daylight. After an hour outside Mom would call us in to eat grilled cheese triangles and tomato soup. You'd laugh at me as my soup would spill down the front of my turtleneck. Hurry you'd say, we need to finish our fort. We'd dash back outside with our straps flailing behind to find our brothers had come home and once again were playing king of the snow fort. They killed our masterpiece. A fun filled snow ball fight would soon ensue which neighborhood kids always flocked to. They came to US. It was one of the many joys of being a member of a large family. I always had friends around. I miss those friends terribly on days like this.

crazy straws in chocolate milk, blowing bubbles in your milk, grilled cheese triangles dipped into tomato soup. Card games. Jacks. Watching The Goonies. Smocks and easels with finger painting. Snack time. Sweet Valley High, Babysitters Club, He-Man, Thunder Cats, Sesame Street, Piglet, Snorkels, making pottery in art class, recess, behaving during the length of the school day so your teacher would allow you to have an extra 15 minutes at recess, Fraggle Rock, Kids Incorporated, Mr. Rogers always freaked us out, Capatin Kangaroo, we thought Kirk Cameron was heart throb, Rick Schroder will always be Ricky, Lost Boys, The Coreys', Dangly earings, Charm Bracelets, Chucks a.k.a Converse, cinch cuffed jeans, bangs.

Would you actually use a time machine?

Is it something in the air?

2005-04-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

A Polish Blessing- May your heart be as patient as the earth. Your love as warm as harvest gold. May your days be full, as the city is full Your nights as joyful as dancers. May your arms be as welcoming as home. May your faith be as enduring as God's love. Your spirit as valiant as your heritage. May your hand be as sure as a friend. Your dreams as hopeful as a child. May your soul be as brave as your people. AND MAY YOU BE BLESSED.

Everything is changing, people are moving on rapidly. In the past 6 months THREE of my dear friends have lost a parent. And now, as a true failthful Catholic - we are all orphans. I cry and sob, the heart aching wail that is terror to the ears. You know this feeling, you feel your vocal chords echo and vibrate with out a peep, just a wail. Pope John Paul II touched thousands of lives through blessing, love, and compassion. He brought religions together being the first Pope to EVER enter a Mosque. He acknowledged there is a God and showed respect to other religions. Perhaps - just perhaps - he made it easier for my Grandma to understand my sister marrying a Muslim. They were married in a Church by a Priest and a Shake - a tag team ceremony if you will. Once again, I digress. He was also the first Priest to EVER enter into a synagogue. Many of his appearances were political, and why shouldn't they be? He is at the top of the food chain, CEO, President, THE BIG CHEESE of the Catholic Church. He began talks with Syria, visited Cuba, Russia, and has been a key player in bringing an end to communism world wide.

The Pope held fast to the belief of not allowing women to become Priests. He has been accused of not keeping up with modern thinking by such action. I agree with the Pope, I consider myself a progressive traditionalist. One mother - one father together forever. Not everyone has such a luxury as the nuclear family is no longer the norm. The days of women vacuuming wearing pearls are over (did that actually happen?). However, when roots are deep buried under pounds of sod, water, and earth it is necessary to stand stand strong.

PJP - you are loved and missed

Guess what?

2005-04-01T08:04:00.000-08:00

Only because I know you read this Big Brother. Mom said you think I am ready to settle down. Ahem - my question is, with who? I mean Joe is cool and all but she's a cat.

2005-04-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I move out. Another chapter of my life closed. Just a few days ago Blondie did some pretty rotten things to me. She hacked several of my online accounts and sent emails from my accounts. My initial reaction was to take her out and show her how we handle things in Jersey.
Sadly enough I have this strong powerful thing called a conscious. She wants a reaction from me; she does not deserve that type of satisfaction. God and Karma will kick her ass a lot harder than I ever could.

Funny enough I am some what sad as it wasn't always like this. We used to laugh until our sides ached, sending nonstop emails and text messages all day long. If one of us were out and had our bed sheets in the wash - we would finish the wash and make the bed. We were thoughtful and considerate. I came around the blind curve and saw the first signs Sept. 11th when we met Bobby and Brian. Instead of turning her in, I made her wrong right - correcting her mistake and believing it WAS a momentary lapse in judgment. One should not look back and agonize over the situation. Over the years I have had to say goodbye to friends for various reasons. I enjoyed the good times we had and regret the way the story played out.

It’s back to me and Joe , the crazy attack cat.

Have you ever

2005-03-28T13:36:00.000-08:00

Have you ever got that sinking feeling. Like you found a whole in the hardwood floor and are stuck between the first and second floor. Shelley Long and Tom Hanks in The Money Pit. You are oh - so - vulnerable and can't do anything about it. There you are slaving away workin for da man, sitting at your desk with a mountain of work and a list of people to call back. Your phone is ringing, engineers are coming in your office asking questions about your accounts. Stage left your boss walks in looking past everything else and tells you to write a SOF and drive 2 hours to visit a client. 3 minutes later your best friend calls you crying. It's all to much.

I get to walk away at 5:00 p.m. - Lately it's been more like 6 or 7:00 which is fine as the end is near. The time where I get back from the gym, grab my book, turn off my phone, and lay on my bed - it's quiet. There is nothing. Almost done with old Blondie, soon no one. No one there to bother me, no one there calling my name asking me to come and chase the monsters away. No one there yelling because their brother or sister is hitting them. Silence. Alone. Nothing. Yes it's lonely. But comfortable.

Yesterday after gorging ourselves on wine and Easter dinner we sat at the table discussing the Shivo case, kids birthdays, holidays, kids, kids, and kids. I was the only single one there. The others were family and close personal friends whom discussed times when they had reached the end. The kids were crying, yelling, screaming, they had been acting up for weeks and there was no end in sight. At these times, they look at their children thinking how something with such a wretched temper could come from me. Day dreams of late night clubbing and vacations in Tahiti dance in their mind. Suddenly two of the boys run inside out of breath from playing PIG and give their mom a big hug. All is forgotten as the love spreads throughout the room. Later that night, they pack their belongings, say goodbye and head home together.

So here I sit, in peace and quiet, my own private Idaho - not really. Where is that crazy cat, Joe? Joe - Joe? Hey baby, it's 11:11 did you make a wish?

In Peace

2005-03-28T08:33:00.000-08:00

She's with the Angels now smiling down on Jason and Keri --

2005-03-25T07:36:00.000-08:00

On my way home yesterday a homeless man was holding a sign that said, "Homeless Republican” I laughed. The base of the Republican Party is personal accountability and govt. hands off. The Republican Party platform would leave me to believe, if one is homeless they should try- try - and try again to get a job and not beg for money. A true Right Winged Conservative would never give the "Homeless Republican" hand outs. However, a wave of change has washed over the Republican Party as "compassionate conservatives" emerge. President Bush defines this term as, “It is compassionate to actively help our fellow citizens in need. It is conservative to insist on responsibility and results."

I am registered as an Independent but lean Republican. I gave the guy two bucks.

2005-03-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

yup.

This girl's gotta lean to clean up her mouth...and keyboard, I guess.

Apparently, profanity counts as "spamlike" material. Our spam filter keeps censoring my outgoing emails. I already know I need to filter my mouth , especially after a couple of cocktails.

I've handled one of four man-options. An ex issue is being born, and I'll need to deal with -that- over the weekend for sure.

Why can't I own more than one "pair of shoes?" I am fully able to maintain them with loyalty, interest and respect. At least I think I could. If only they could coexist!

Sigh. I just hate having to choose.

Barry Bonds is the King of Cliché’s

2005-03-23T12:28:00.000-08:00

Short and sweet b/c I don’t really have time to blog today, as you can tell. I don’t feel any pity for Barry Bonds at all. He has just returned from having surgery on his knees. Yeah – smart move buddy – let’s wait until right before the season openers to have surgery and you just HAPPEN to be in the middle of a steroid controversy. He said to the media while leaning on his crutch, “Make sure you get a picture of my son so you can see how much you (the media) have hurt my family.” Where is this kid’s agent? Surely child labor laws of some applet court have addressed this issue previously. Bonds said he is drained and is trying to make us believe he is a dedicated family man and states, “I am tired of my kids crying.” Then why is he using them for his better gain? Heck even Jack-o has the sense to drape sheets over his kids or make them wear funny masks. Were you trying to prove that your testicles hadn’t shrunk b/c of the steroids and you were fertile? Okay – we get it – just leave the kids out of it.

Note To Self

2005-03-22T11:23:00.000-08:00

GET A LIVING WILL

Apparently I am a Lepar

2005-03-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

Some people don’t understand it; others envy it, and some just scoff and think I am foolish. So be it – the world will continue to revolve and stay balanced on its axis.

My office mates have gone out to lunch with out me a few times. Granted the days they have done this I have been running around the office on the phone, sending emails, blogging, etc. giving them that look like I am in the tryouts for the office Olympics award of the year. Upon their return, I have to give them a hard time and pretend I am hurt for mere amusement. We volley back and forth with sarcastic remarks but the conversation always ends in, “You’re a Vegetarian.”

I am different – I don’t have a disease. I haven’t ate meat since I was 6 years old. I am not a member of PETA and could care less if the guy I am with wants to have a steak for dinner. I’ll slice the steak and pick out the one with the best marbling. When people find out I am a vegetarian they gasp like I have just told them I cleaned out my closet and found Bin Laden. What is this world coming to – a vegetarian in Texas?

Do Indians say Holy Cow as an expression?

Closer to Sanity

2005-03-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

It's almost official - the countdown has begun. I am edging closer to sanity as my days with old blondie are almost over. Move out day is April 2nd - YIPEEE!!!!

Sharing a memory

2005-03-17T10:54:00.001-08:00

He stood there on the plywood floor scanning the crowd, amused by the colors and pulsating enthusiasm of the crowd. He let the spectacle carry on a minute to long, knowing he would be reprimanded and called into the back office. The whistle blew, then the horn. Time to make his move, his palms sweat as he felt the flex of the gun in his hands searching for his target. Then, he found his victims. They were sitting together, distracted and disillusioned by their surroundings. The children were bouncing up and down staring starry eyed at the cotton candy trey. Mom was staring off in space planning her next hair style while Dad casually committed to memory the fetching brunette walking past them. He shifted his vehicle into gear and felt the electromotive force beneath him as he lunged toward his target. He closed in on them, gripped the gun, and pulled the trigger. He shot them. They were under a COB of silly string. He stood there with the perma grin on his mask emptying all the string in the gun. The children burst out laughing while Mom and Dad caught each others eyes. After the gun was emptied, he chuckled to himself then rode away. Dad took the string and wrapped it around his daughters head while she threw it on her little brother. Mom was busy watching the scene and committing it to memory while trying to clean her Brooks Brothers shirt. After the laughter and humor of the situation dyed down. Mom and Dad looked at each other stretching across the children and kissed.
I witnessed Clutch (Rockets mascot) create the scene last night at the Rockets Game (WE WON). I was a minimum of 50 ft. from the family and shared this memory with them. I have no doubt they will remember this for the rest of their lives. They have no idea, I shared it with them. I feel a little guilty for prying, almost like reading someone's blog. But we put it out there for conversations sake. To share memories, to remember the pivotal times in our lives and the inconsequential ones.
I have a memory from a basketball game when I was just a kid attending a Harlem Globetrotters game. Curly picked me - ME - out of the crowd and twirled a basketball on my finger. I remember it, so do my mom and dad.

Happy St. Patricks Day!

2005-03-16T13:46:00.000-08:00

As the afternoon drags on, a more existential type of angst will set in. Good Lord, was I put on this earth to be a corporate wage slave? Run around from place to place getting worn out doctors to sign on the dotted line. I'll probably die in a plane crash before I get to climb a mountain, sky dive, become a mother, or a wife - what order is that supposed to happen in? Maybe I will catch a horrible disease. Hell, the horrible disease has probably already lodged itself in my body. The Bird Flu! I caught it from the guy who snuggled to close to me in the elevator. What were those white spots on his shirt?
Clearly, I am destined to die before finding true, lasting, meaningful love. Is it possible I could at least have lasting, meaningful sex before I die?

That's Just TodayLast night, I was on top of the world. I thought to myself: I'm exactly the person I wanted to be when I was growing up. I am a sexy, single girl with a Sex and the City lifestyle (minus all the shoes, llingerie, and money. But, I do have girlfriends who have time to brunch with me).

I don't want to be a Drama Mamma

2005-03-15T17:07:00.000-08:00

He called I was on a sugar high and answered the phone . OUCH - this hurts I can't breathe, I can't even speak I feel like I stubbed my toe. Make that all of my toes. The air has left my lungs and my stomach feels like I have reached the bottom of a volcano not knowing how to escape. I'm stuck, it's cold and I can't move or talk.

He said: "Hello - can you here me? What if I stay?"
Me: "Um," slowly the words crawl out of my mouth like a worm trying to work it's way up from the dirt - either way - it's still a worm with dirt on it. (eeeewww) "That's nice, I am glad you have made a positive decision and can move forward. Houston is a great city.
Him: "Would you like to have coffee sometime?"
Me: "You don't drink coffee and I gave it up for Lent, perhaps in a few weeks." By this time I just want to get off the phone and finish by saying, "Work is crazy right now, my boss has me working harder than an ugly stripper. Can I give you a call after things settle down?"
Him: There's a pause, he knows I won't call him, "Okay, and it's good to hear from you"
Me: "You too, take care."

After I hang up the phone, I am okay. I breathe a sigh of relief then laugh at what a complete dork I am. An UGLY STRIPPER - From now on no mixing cabbage patch kids with good and plenty's. That snack sounds like something Michael Jackson would have at Never Never Land -now I've done it

Do you remember when you were a kid and did something bad? Like talk during class? The teacher would make you write 500x "I will not talk in class"? I still talk in class and crack jokes to those sitting next to me in meetings, but I feel as though I should write 500x I will not talk about "him" anymore. It's done - but strangely it still amuses me. This is when I suddenly realize that I have moved on. Can you see the sky opening up and hear the cheesy symphony music is playing in the background?

Rusty China Doll

2005-03-13T08:44:00.000-08:00

Random things are on my mind this morning. I can't seem to focus on anything. I just got back in from a long run - it's absolutely gorgeous weather. My buddy Chris was out on his motorcycle cruising around in River Oaks and almost hit me. May I add that he did not have a helmet on either - double wammy - is that how you spell wammy or is it wamme? Crud some people reading this might now even know what a wamme is. Crazy monkey - I have a thing for monkey's and midgets - I know it's weird and strange - perhaps I shouldn't type that. I went on an appointment last week to a 4 physician practice - the waiting room was full and they had a NOW SERVING sign. The type of big digital sign you see at the deli (if I went to a deli). I can't stop thinking about how impersonal that is. Churn and burn - I almost wanted to walk away from the deal but truth be told the head doctor was really cute and single - I digress ... again.

What's really on my mind is Friday night Shad (broke my heart) sends me a text message and asks, "If you were a hot dog and were really hungry would you eat yourself"
I replied, "If I was a gay man yes, If you count a dog's tail as a leg - how many legs does the dog have?" It went back and forth like this for a while and then he tells me he is not moving and is going to embrace Houston. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I am okay with this, but of course I was already drinking martini's at a neighbors. Then home to get ready to meet up with a bunch of pals. I handled the situation like a mature adult (sarcasm) and got drunk . . . to make the night even stranger - I ran into the guy I was on a date with several months ago who kissed my best friend during the course of the date. He had the gall to say, "I really liked you, I was drunk - can I call you?" I laughed.

I have to go get ready to go to my nieces b-day party - Happy birthday Megan (Nutmeg)!

2005-03-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

It's one of those days where I just want to jump on a trampoline and kiss the sky.

I am in such a good mood I am getting on my own nerves.

sack o

2005-03-10T09:13:00.000-08:00

I can't help it. I can't look away - in my best valley girl voice I scream, "it completely, like totally, grosses me out." But I can't look away - I listen in a distant fashion as though I am trying to ignore the cricket that has wedged it's way into my wall. I want to ignore it, yet am intrigued by the tenor of the crowd and symphonic sounds that surround the noise. Thanks to modern day technology I am updated at the click of a button and a scroll of the mouse as it zooms across the pad.

Michael Jackson has a warrant out for his arrest b/c he was not in the court room when the Judge entered this a.m. His lawyer stated he was in the hospital due to health problems.

My $.02 - health problems of being a complete FREAK and looking like a monkey - not to mention that he is mentally unstable, what type of "man" invites kids to sleep in his bed. More importantly what type of parent allows their child to sleep over a 48 year old man's house?

Apple doesn't fall far

2005-03-09T14:07:00.000-08:00

Bean is right, my blog is a lot more interesting when there is a man in my life. I am on a dating hiatus right now and am enjoying not being my obsessive self. When is he going to call? I want to get to know him better. I think we would make a good match. We seem to have plenty of things in common - 10 fingers and 10 toes (see I can count). It's like an extended recess where all you do is play solitaire.

So for now, I'll stick to talking about POPS

I have made a solemn vow to never talk about work in this blog as I truly do love my job - it's absolutely pathetic how much I love my job, however it seems my office mate is upset about the fact that my boss,DQ, calls me Grasshopper.

Wed: afternoon email banter with PopS

Me: "Dad, is it bad that my boss calls me Grasshopper?"
Dad: "Tell him Kung Fu! That was a TV show in the 70s with David Carradine. There were flashbacks to his youth where the zen master called him Grasshopper."
Me: "Man, your old"
Dad: "That was the improper use of the word your. Shoulda bin your. Your denotes ownership.ergo the sentence should have continued, stating what of mine is old!!"
Me : "Shoulda? I do believe you mean should have as in, should have been what of yours is old"

Still feeling like I am being hit with a wet noodle on the eyeball at work - DQ is drivin the slave chain -

2005-03-08T07:59:00.000-08:00

I am purring on the inside.
Even though I am not a cat person, per se. I feel happy. Like I peeled off all of the Mr. Yuck Stickers from my water bottle.
I am so relieved to no longer feeling like a monkey hanging from the rafters.

a happy camper with out the mud. Still a work in progress ...speaking of, back to work.

2005-03-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

Two Of my favorite people got married this weekend. Keri and Jayson - congrats!
They have been engadged for about 2 years, the wedding was scheduled to occur, "when they have enough money saved" . They have the happy ending a lot of people envy and lack which is why our divorce rate is so high but, I digress. They truly found a best friend and lover in one another - thanks to that fateful day when Keri forgot her jacket and J offered her his. Sadly his mom is losing her battle with time. About 3 weeks ago I get an email with the Wedding invite attached. I rapidly respond with a YES YES -I can not miss this RSVP and am surprised at how soon the wedding is. J responds, and I cry out of happiness and love. His mother has had cancer and it has progressively become worse.It's terminal and is not doing well.
The wedding was held at the San Luis Resort in Galveston (thumbs up). It was a small wedding, 60 of their closest family and friends (honored to be invited) Keri was stunning as always. With the exception of my sisters and sister-in-laws, I do not believe I have seen a bride glow as she did. Jayson, always the good looking edgy jokester looked sharp. The ceremony was performed on the lawn with the background of the gulf. As they were announced, Mr. & Mrs. Brooks and walked away a roaring round of applause was heard. High on the balconies was roughly 200 people, obviously this was better than pay per view.
The reception was held in the resort ball room. Keri and her father danced to some country song. Then came the mother son dance. J - picked his mother up from the wheelchair and glided her across the floor dancing to Wind Beneath My Wings. Not a dry eye in the room.

Later that night I ran into some old school friends. It was great to see them all out again. I smile at how we have all changed and are the same group of goobers who still make me laugh. Like a rare gem kept in a lock box, you cherish their friendship even though you don't see them very often.

I DID IT!

2005-03-03T15:27:00.000-08:00

Scene from Steele Magnolias (1989)

Truvy: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past.
Clairee: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past.
Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past

I hired to design my blog and rescue me from the weak southern waify template of pink (I love pink, but my eyes are going to get a visionary pump if another color does not become the "next best thing soon". Everything changes and we all evolve. Pink is the new black and straight is the new guy. Yada Yada

I digress. . . I will have to wait 6 weeks due to their back log.

T and I also bought a 6 game package for the Rockets which guarantees us tix to the playoffs before they go on sale to the general public (woohoo!). I am so happy they broke their losing streak - after losing 3 games in a row - I didn't know if they could pull it off with out my buddies press (he's still out - due to scar tissue)

Stress Reliever - this job is killin me

2005-03-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

Slam middle finger in closing file drawer. Proceed to show everyone your on-the-job injury.

Trip over shoe lace as walking down the hall and blame the engineers

Today, I had fun at my bosses expense (I couldn't help myself). When I came to this company 2 years ago I found a decapitated samurai statue. He has lived under the veil of my desk.

My boss is cracking the whip this month to make sure we blow away the other hospitals. When I say "cracking the whip" I mean he is hitting me on the eyeball with a wet noodle. When I got back from my appts. this morning I placed the decapitated statue on DQ's desk with a sign that reads,

"This person did not fill out the MHHNP Secure Suite Quote and did not meet their sales Quota"

It kept him going for 20 minutes. He still doesn't know it was me who did it.

It's our little secret.

Go Fish in a Martini

2005-03-01T10:41:00.000-08:00

Remember playing cards when you were a kid? Go Fish, Old Maid, Uno, and 52 CARD PICK UP (my brothers would get me with that one all the time). They would tease and taunt me,
Brothers: "Hey j-bird, let's play cards"
Me: "Okay, what are we playing?"
Brothers: "52 Card Pick up HA HA" they would toss the cards all over the room as though a vacuum bag had exploded igniting the room with dirt.
Me: "Your not funny, MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I chuckle at the experience now, but this is probably why I currently don't know how to play poker or black jack. That's all about to change.

Tonight's menu: Poker for Dummies (no joke). Good gal pals, martini's, and learning the art of a poker game. We all know how to catch a ball, throw a ball, know what a first down is, a line drive, clearing the puck, full court press,what on deck means, what a "pancake glove", an RBI,tip off, over and under, how to make a sale, write a published paper, a good business transaction, etc... but one of the many things we all truly want to learn is how to play poker. It's on my list.
Next on the list.....anyone willing to wager?

Hollywood ? Why are they all so important?

2005-02-28T11:52:00.000-08:00

I have never really got into watching the Oscars, but this year I decided to ride it out while hanging with my sisters. The awards as I saw them...

* Chris Rock was incredibly, incredibly boring. I have seen him live during his standup routine and he is hilarious. Well, he is raunchy and bend over grab your gut funny.
* Kate Winslet is the woman - she was stunning and classy in her ice blue dress
* Robin Williams looks great in hot pink. One of the few straight men that can pull that costume off.
* Drew Barrymore looked good last night - she definately suffers from the hot and ugly syndrome
* When I heard that two very talented vocalists would be singing, Believe, I was surprised to learn it was, "Josh Grobin and BEYONCE!!! No surprise on Grobin but, Beyonce. I mean, I liked her before tonight she's refined. But the songs did not suite her style. And then she ruined a perfectly pretty black evening gown with ultra-gaudy diamonds and bad makeup. Make it stop. The kitchen sink on her ears was distracting.
* And then to make matters worse she butchered the Phantom of the Opera song, should have let Minnie Driver sing it as she does in the movie.
* Cate Blanchett is so, so classy.
* Hillary Swank has a great back.
*Sean Penn is sloppy looking
* Was Leo's date pregnant or have house dresses come back in style?
* Johnny Depp is just weird. But well respected because he has never "sold out and gone for the mainstream box office hits. I still love What's eating Gilbert Grape
* Samuel L. Jackson is still sexy -
I can't say it better than Candied Ginger
"* Jamie Foxx's grandmother's spirit animal is a white dove that arrives on his windowsill every morning at 5:30 to wake him with a gentle song and a motherly attempt to peck his eyes out, and that's why he's such a great actor. "
* Counting Crows, Mr. Jones, your still wild and crazy - Digging the eccentric artist thing.
Julia Roberts is so yesterday. But still a class act.
Clint Eastwood's mom is alive. Can I get a Hell Yeah!!
* I would like to give an oscar to each and everyone of you who sat through the evening. What other industry can you work 3 months out of the year and rake in 3 million. That's entertainment.
The above was obviously written in pure envious fashion

If your status ain't Hood - put on Wranglers

2005-02-26T11:13:00.000-08:00

Houston, Texas - GIDDY UP! That's right, it's rodeo time.

I swear, this is the only city in America where I leave the office for lunch, head to the Galleria, and on my return I get stuck behind 3 dozen horses. They call themselves "The Trailriders" Where is the trail? All I see is loop 610. The whole spectacle of the rodeo is a grand theatrical modern way of honoring the roots of Texas . . . THE LONE STAR STATE.
Which always makes me think of the sexy saucy Val Kilmer as he saunters across the saloon and states, "I'll be your Huckleberry"
HUBBA HUBBA meow purrrrrrrrr. As I scan the rodeo crowd, all I can think is BUBBA BUBBA

Which proves, you can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl.

Last night I went to the rodeo barbecue cook off
Conversation I over heard
Girl 1: See that?
Girl 2: Jeans so tight, if I were blind I could read Braille on her thighs
Girl 1: Oh no you did-int.
Girl 2: That's right.

My mother: The Super Hero

2005-02-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

The sky was black, and the alarm went off, I pulled the covers over my head, hit snooze and fell back asleep.

It was storming horrificly in H-town this morning. I felt the angels bowling and the guys in the apartment above me moving their furniture.

As I drove down South in the thick of it all I spoke to my mom who was also going through a bad storm.

5-8 inches of SNOW!!!! I laughed whole heartedly while I rubbed my hands together. And then felt very guilty after my mom told me she was going to shovel the sidewalk so Dad wouldn't have to do it.
My mother the super hero.

Conversation with Mom -
Mom: "How is work going"
Me: "Good,it's been a busy month with sales"
Mom: "You've been with them a while"
Me with sarcasm, "Yeah, must be all that alcohol I have been drinking"
Mom: "Honey, your not drunk. Your just lubricated"
Me, "Like a machine?"
Mom, " A well oiled one. And honey, I do hope your kidding about the alcohol"

Steady pace

2005-02-23T07:23:00.000-08:00

All I can do today is laugh at the world.

The New York Jerk called last night to let me know he was coming in town this weekend. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, he called at 12:38 a.m., 1:23 a.m., and 1:39 a.m. He left 2 messages and was fairly coherent. Somedays I wish I was a push over or a sappy girl who gushed over the fact that, "HE CALLED!". But, lets be real. He was drunk at a bar on a Tuesday. Yes once again, a boy was just being a boy. That door's locked tight with a dead bolt.

The terms on which I will spend time with someone have changed, but my attitude has not. The terms are never completely acceptable and change with time. Respect has always been a huge item, as it should be. We all drunk dial our friends and laugh at them later. We pass the phone around to others and have them listen to the funny message that was left at 4 in the morning by so and so. That's funny. In relationships, it's not. Especially when you have not spoken in 3 weeks.

I've spent much of my life trying to figure out what was wrong with the fantasy, what's wrong with the boy, or what's wrong with me? It's a practical way of thinking through each situation, extracting the good, accepting the bad, and learning from the experience. It's really quite shallow, as it's my view on the terms that I have chosen to accept at the time. Right or wrong, which I know I can be, and dare I sound cliche, but timing truely is everything in love and orgasms.

The Rockets attempted their 9th win in a row last night against Seattle. They had several days off between game 8 and 9 due to the All Star Game. They were ahead the first half and took several chances. Unfortunately, they lost in the last few seconds by 2 points.
My buddy didn't play ...seems someone had to much fun in Vegas with the boys over the break.

Chicken Soup - but..I'm a vegetarian

2005-02-21T11:14:00.000-08:00

Some weekends all you need is to....
Curl up with a good book
Clean your apartment
Go for a run
Lift some weights
Pay the best sister-in-law and friend a quick visit
Hug your nieces and nephew
Feel the joy as they call your name and wrap themselves around you
Watch a 2 year old mimic everything his 4 year old big sister did
Eat "healthy" with your little sis (love you booger)
Go shopping with little sis and her baby
Buy shoes
Buy shirts
Watch the confusion and frustration of a 9 month old as she eats
her first piece of bread
See the delight a big pink stuffed animal brings a 9 month old baby
Have a fabulous brunch day with your girlfriends
Have a headache Monday morning from cheap champagne in the mimosa's

Shelf life

2005-02-19T17:09:00.000-08:00

Some people treat their ex's like a set of china dolls. You pick one off the shelf admire it, and remember the day it first came to you. You look at the doll and see how time has eclipsed it. In a jovial manner return it to the shelf. In every collection, there is the doll whose arm fell off, his suspender broke, and it has a strange odor. You try to muster the strength to play with the doll, but can not bring yourself to do so. It remains on the shelf, a distant memory of the day it came to you.

I had been very lucky to go 27 years with out having my heart broken. Call it lucky, careful, or guarded. It shattered but once. Of course there are the brief interludes where you decide to go separate ways and you carry on. Like the time an ex brought back a girl from Vegas. I turned the other cheek and walked out the door, never looking back. But this time was different. We met through a mutual friend at brunch. I'll never forget seeing him walk through the door. After he sat down, I took a skill from negotiating 101 and began telling the table about the fabulous date I had the day before. As the hours of brunch flew by, we changed locations, drinks and dancing ensued, next thing I know... I have a date with him the following week. Wonderful days turned into weeks. I called my dad to tell him I WAS SMITTEN. My father looked at the caller ID to make sure it was his single daughter on the line. Was it really me - the ambivalent single gal? Yes, and I was on cloud 9. Several months into the relationship he started to push. I didn't understand, and then he told me. His company was going to transfer him back to Florida. Moving for me, was not an option. So, we did the logical thing and ended the relationship. There were no phone calls pleading to hang out until he left as that would have only made it harder for both of us. Why lie to ourselves. I went through a period of feeling like I was falling to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. And then I picked myself up, dusted off my shoulders, and moved on.

Fast forward several months - his company changes management and it's dynamic. Suddenly, he is not moving. Our mutual friend informs me of this and I relive the relationship in a matter of seconds in my mind. Then the hurt, anguish, and longing to spend time with him. He does not contact me, and I don't contact him. Until, I am out running with a friend and I see him.
My gal pal says, "Hubba hubba did you see that guy?"
Me, "Yeah - that's Shad."
She, "Oh."

Since then, he has sent me several emails and text messages trying to start a friendship at the very least. I debate with myself on how to handle this situation. I have never been the type of person to have the residual breakups. You know the cycle, break up, get back together, break up, etc. It's worse than doing laundry.
I am friends with EVERY SINGLE GUY I have dated, except for him. When a person has hurt you so badly that it scars. Can you be friends with them? Is it possible to look past all the pain, and longing, and be friends? Would it break your heart to see them with another person? Of course we all want to think we are strong, larger than life characters and have the will to say, "I can handle this," but I can't. I can't go back and I won't go back. I have replied to his emails shutting them down and leaving him with no recourse. I've moved on, but still feel the pain.

There's a sense of calmness coming from deep inside of me. The waters are clear and I am enjoying the view.

It's usually about this time I lace up my running shoes and head out the door, in true roadrunner fashion. Never to be caught. Well, truth be told, I am tired of running. But am enjoying the ride 300%.

Sponsor

2005-02-17T14:13:00.000-08:00

Day 10 and counting. I haven't had a drop. I have managed to drive past every Starbucks I see. But this morning, I was tempted. I feel like a junkie. Am I really addicted to Starbucks? I think about all of the factory and field workers my coffee addiction feeds. Am I really trying to rationalize my problem?
(The above was written solely for my mother who once said I needed a Starbucks Intervention) I'm fine really.

Have to run down to Pasadena for meetings - I am sure there will be stories.

Okay meetings are over with and am back in the office stopping for a mental health check up. Why? Why do I need one when it's only 2:09 in the afternoon?
Because my computer is sick! It's quite ill - I am looping adaware. Perhaps I need a starbucks - should I call my sponsor? No steady now you can focus. No uber-bitch rants. I am light headed thinking about the big cozy chairs, ambient lighting and the addictive product that doesn't kill you, but makes you rather loopy.

Starbucks has replaced 7/11s and pubs as gathering places for teens, 20-somethings and office workers -- a cultural hat trick. Just yesterday the Today show ran a segment about teenagers gathering at Starbucks after school. Is Starbucks a status hangout? A liquid crack for yuppies and their offspring? The cost to brew a cup of coffee is less than 50 cents. There for, the remaining 3 dollars and 50 cents pays for steaming the milk, and the branding and labeling of the cup.
So why and how can we justify the high cost for coffee? The idea of Starbucks brings us, myself included, self-indulged consumer society to a common ground. It's an equalizer for those of us that willing to pay four bucks for a cup of coffee and step out of the daily grind and enjoy a cup of coffee.

I am saving money right now. And going to try stop thinking about Starbucks

Earthquake

2005-02-15T17:18:00.000-08:00

I'm a big softie.

Several years ago I had friends who worked at Enron. They had a great circle of coworkers they depended on. On the 15th and 30th of the month they were paid. They counted on the money and stability of the job to create the life they were meant to live. Suddenly, a corporate scandal makes headlines and they lose the job. They lose everything that was familiar to them and had been for years. Their foundations were shook and ripped out from under them. Years later they were able to rebuild and put the pieces of their lives back together.

Yesterday was Valentines Day.I am a sucker for love and friendship.

About a month ago my foundation was shook. I felt like an exworker at Enron. My routine changed. A terrible incident happened between a good friend and I. We have known each other for several years and have shared every detail about our lives. She's the type of friend you could call at 4:00 am due to an emergency or because you just got home and needed to chat about the amazing "Mr. Good for Me" man. With out a doubt, the phone would be answered. Sadly enough, I had not spoken to her in a month.

After a long day at the office,training our newest employee, and running across town to several meetings. I went to an art opening for Rea. I must admit, the majority of the pieces were from the "I don't get it exhibit" but the gallery is beautiful. I proceeded to drink several glasses of champagne and was feeling rather tipsy. Maybe it was the champagne, maybe it was the shots with the new employee (DQ if your reading this I am kidding), or maybe it was the fact that it was Valentines Day. The recipe of a holiday based around love and compassion fused with to much alcohol can be deadly ... or it will help you do what you need to do.

I composed myself and went right over to Tessa's. I did not even knock on the door. I knew she was there with another buddy of ours. We took one look at each other and married the friendship once again with a big hug.

Happy day after Valentines Day.

Lost an hour of sleep

2005-02-11T11:17:00.000-08:00

I had the perfect start to my day planned. I tore myself out of bed, at 6:00 a.m., after having some very strange dreams. I put my running clothes on, grabbed a cup of coffee, and headed down to the park for a run. I arrived at the park - strapped my radio to my arm, shut my car door, and locked my keys in the car. I seriously contemplated going for a run and dealing with it after the run. An hour and half later AAA showed up (an hour and a half - errrrrrrrrr ... grrrowl I could have gone for my run after all).

It's not good when it's 7:30 in the morning and you say to yourself, "I need a drink"

I went home and got some "Mamma Sun" time on the phone and felt much better after that. Busy morning at the office today and somehow managed to diet f**K myself at lunch. I practically ate the whole salad bar at Jason's Deli then topped it off with ice cream. Back at the office I had a girl scout cookie - nothing like immediate satisfaction. (:-()

Valentines Day is approaching. My office mate just said, "Since you don't have a man what are you going to do?" I had a mouth full of water at the time and nearly spewed it all over my desk from laughter. I began cracking up and bluntly asked, "Did you really just say that?"

I feel like getting into some trouble tonight however, I may just save it all for tomorrow...

2005-02-10T14:42:00.001-08:00

I gave up Starbucks (aka FourBucks) for Lent. Those that know me accomadate my fierce addiction to my Grande Non-fat Dry Latte. I was going to give up alcohol but since Jesus and the apostles drank wine, I decided against that. So I gave up my favorite non-alcoholic beverage, Starbucks Latte. There is something heavenly about the first sip of coffee. The fusion of the foam, cinnamon sprinkles, and over whelming aroma of the expresso make a single gal quite content. I have to admit that giving up Starbucks while being single is a risky endeavor. I could easily turn into a uber-bith. Day 3 and counting

feeling like Tara Reid on a bender

2005-02-09T15:33:00.000-08:00

I don't get it? Why would the NY JERK's Friend call me to say hi and to just see what's up? He move away. He moved back to the the city. Away from the Astros, the Smog, the mosquitos, the no moutains, traffic construction, the Texans, and away from ME. Once again, I don't understand the whole, " I really like you so I am going to make you hate me," scenario. Shortly after our interludes, he moved. I have tried to understand why it is that he called me on Sunday after the game and left a voice mail. And . . . why his friends are calling me to see, "what's going on?". It doesn't make sense, perhaps, a boy is just being a boy and looking out for his own best intrest. Kick him to the curb???

I can't take this roomate situation any longer. Everytime I see her I want to yell, "You stole from my friend, you stole from me, you slept with married men!" But I don't I keep that between me and my blog and the 3 people that read this, She's not a good person and I can't stand to be around her - note to self - (*)

ADD ADULTS

2005-02-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

New revelation! Jennifer Garner and I are more alike than I ever knew

Jennifer Garner To Pursue Other Goals

"I want a graduate degree, I want to be a business woman, an investment banker, a writer, a pianist. I really wish I could cook. I've never had specific goals in life. I don't say, 'I'd like my next step to be this', and then write it down and go after it. Actually, I don't write anything down. I just think things to myself and they actually start to happen. So watch out!

Not me

2005-02-09T07:40:00.000-08:00

Email from big Sister

"Reed was pretending to call people today. He said he was calling his
"Aunt J-bird" did he get you?

He calls his 4th toe, his Uncle Scott toe.

Freaky kid."

Today is Ash Wednesday, I will be going to Mass at Lunch to get annointed with ashes. Although I really feel as though my soul is going to turn to Ash. I have been planning a girls weekend to Las Vegas during March Madness. I just realized the weekend I am going is Easter Weekend. I feel as though one thousand baths in holy water will not cleanse my soul during the time that Christ has risen. Yes I do know there are churches in Vegas - however if I enter a church during that time it will most likely be while I am calling my parents telling them to log on to www.vegasweddingsonline.com

What do I do?

HELP

2005-02-08T17:07:00.000-08:00

CAN SOMEONE OUT THERE IN CYBERWORLD HELP ME CHANGE and GET OUT OF THIS PINK PEPTO BISMOL TEMPLATE? Please

Bondage

2005-02-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

Sure I am upset, but another memory was created. They lost, we lost, I am still green.

I have always been a Tom Boy, a kin to Pippy Long Stocking. Growing up my father was my basketball coach while my sister took dance lessons. After school, I would run out and attempt to join my brother's ball games. Somehow those attempts to join the game turned in to a cruel game of monkey in the middle. However, these are some of my finest memories. As the years went by I would go watch my brothers basketball,football,and wrestling matches. During that time my dad took my brothers and I to our first NFL Football game -- GO EAGLES. I remember looking down at the field for the first time, and feeling like an ant. Of course we were sitting very close to the fresh air. I could almost touch the blimp.

Yesterday was the Super Bowl. The Eagles finally made it.-I haven't seen that many turn overs since I last made pancakes. The Eagles put up a good fight. The Eagles had nothing to prove. We yelled and screamed for our Eagles to come out on top. In the end, they were a team. Terry Bradshaw pointed this out, "they are the only team in the NFL" they have always been my favorite team (plus I look really good in green).

I spent football season this year running around from game to game with a good friend of mine. New Team - New City - Go Texans. Her and I now share memories and an experiences we will relive every football season. A new bond was formed.

Beyond team affiliation, sports have a symbolic meaning Rooting for the same team, or different teams is a true bonding experience. Yesterday I had the chance to go to several parties with friends but, NFL team affiliation for me, is acquainted with family. So, I went with my brother and lovely sister-in-law to watch the game. When I arrived at their house all the kids had on their Eagles T-shirts. It was the cutest thing. We sang and danced, ran around the house, and spelled out E-A-G-L-E-S! The game was starting soon so in true Philly fashion -the adults went to a Bar.

As we waited for the game to begin my sis-in-law told stories of growing up and watching the Eagles games with her dad. Her family would get together and watch the game.

Sports are so much more than a man on man testosterone animalistic drive. They are about building relationships and sharing a common ground. Watching a good athletic event is a bonding experience. It's one of the only times you will see grown men hug and cry over something they had nothing to do with. You can jump up out of your seat and give the guy across the room, whom you just met, a high five. Cheering for your favorite team brings people closer giving them a reason to connect with one another on a humanistic level. It's not weather your team wins or loses but, the experience and emotions of enjoying the ride.

Good job Eagles - I'll still wear my green.

why did you send this to me? your turn

2005-02-04T15:28:00.000-08:00

1. What is your full name: Jess ..Sass ...Red Tornado ...J-bird...Jessie Kats... Strawberry...Big Red...Messica...I am sure there are others I don't know about
2. What color pants are you wearing now: what pants?
3. What are you listening to right now: The OffSpring

4. What are the last two digits of your phone number: 13 (call me lucky)

5. What was the last thing you ate: vegetarian gumbo

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be: Greem

7. How is the weather right now: Dusk, my favorite time of the evening.

8. Last person you talked to on the phone: Mom

9. The first thing you notice about a guy: His shoulders, shoes, and car...I mean his Personality

10. Do you like the person who sent this to you: Yeah, he's...okay, I guess.

11. Are you happy today: Asi Asi y tu'?.

12. What is your favorite drink: Vodka Soda (but I don't discriminate)

13. Favorite alcoholic drink: Refer to #12
14. What is your favorite sport: Football, Basketball, Baseball

15. What is your hair color: Red

16. Eye color: Hazel

17. Do you wear contacts: No.

18. Siblings: I am one of 5 - my parents spoiled me with lots of playmates (I don't mean the dirty kind)

19. Favorite month: October or November - when the air is crisp and leaves are falling, just right for football screaming and night time cuddling

20. Favorite food: Salad or

21. What was the last movie you saw? Nap. Dynomite (I don't get it)

22. Favorite day of the year: The one you don't expect, it's not a day, it's a random memory
23. Are you too shy to ask someone out: HELL NO

24. Summer or Winter: Winter.

25. Hugs or Kisses: Both!

26. Chocolate or Vanilla: Swirl.

27. Do you want your friends to write back: Friends? Pls. write your comments

28. Who is least likely to respond: My mom

29. What's under your bed: Bags and suitcases I will never use, occasionally you can find my cat under there somewhere.

31. What's on your mouse pad: Texas Childrens Hospital

32. What is your favorite board game? I don't know, I am never bored

33. Favorite smells: Fresh cut grass in early spring

34. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No, but if you are a guy reading this and have mastered this task, please contact me.

35. What inspires you: The strength of my parents, the unconditional LOVE of my brothers, sisters, and their spouses. However, it is the promise of tomorrow and the moment of today that keeps me moving foward.

36. Do you like your popcorn with salt or plain popcorn? I like it with salt and plain, depending on my mood. Please pass the toothpicks.

37. What is your favorite flower: Daisies, Tulips, or Cali Lilies. It's the simplicity of these flowers that make them beautiful

38. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

Random

2005-02-04T14:00:00.001-08:00

Last night Rea and I went to get Chinese food - ah yes Chinese food - it's quick, it's easy, and convenient. What makes it so convenient? Is it because there is a Chinese restaurant on every corner? Or is it because they deliver? Chopsticks challenge the theory of it being ever so convenient. I have not been able to master the art of eating rice with Chopsticks. I usually give up after the third pile of grain lands on my shirt and reach for my fork. It is then I realize that even chopsticks are a convenient tool. I can twist my hair up high on my head and stab them through the center - creating the perfect, no hassle up do.

Today we went to a vegan restaurant in the third ward for lunch. The food was all natural with no animal byproducts. However, we shared a laugh over the fact that it was served to us on Styrofoam plates.

Point

2005-02-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

You know we live in a strange world when more people tune in to watch "American Idol" than the State of the Union Address. I mean isn't it kind of the same thing? Watching a dummy sing the words others wrote? Being a Poli Sci undergrad I have seen this practice in motion many times. Ronald Reagan, R.I.P., was the best puppet of them all. He had drodes of people to write his speeches and he, in true character portrayal, affirmed the beliefs of his cabintry and party.

Every 6 months or so I do a stock check on my life and those I surrond myself with. Are they truly whom they seem to be? Am I moving in the direction I want to be moving in? Am I helping my friends and loved ones become better humans? I don't want to appear as though I am climbing a giant beanstalk looking down on the world and casting judgement - as I am not. However, for many of us, we view life as a mission heading towards a destination. We tend to worry far to much of what others think of what and who we are. We try to be good people and "do onto others as they will do on to you." I sing in my car - loudly at times while others look at me in hopes I will at the very least, put the window up. Understand, I don't have the best singing voice, even my niece says, "Aunt Jess - please don't sing. I will go to sleep on my own."

From now on, I will keep the windows up when I practice my try outs for American Idol while I tune in to Watch the State of my Unions.

I am wearing my hair curly again, and thrown the flat iron to the back of my bathroom closet. My hair was dead pan straight until I was 23 or so. It's nice to wear it, in it's natural state.

2005-02-03T08:44:00.000-08:00

Can't see straight right now - feeling as though the world is moving to fast, and no i have not been drinking, just extremely busy at work - surprisingly enough my ADD is under control today. Well, perhaps not or else I would not be writing in my blog.

We had a plan!

2005-02-01T11:52:00.000-08:00

Last night I spoke to my best friend from high school. We met when we were juniors in high school - I was new and she had lived in South Carolina all her life. We were very idealistic of the changes we were going to make in the world. Not that we are old maids, as we are approaching (gracefully I might add) our late 20's. Our 10 year high school reunion is this year.

We have changed, as our loved ones have changed. Her mother, the visionary dream of a Baptist Bible Thumper who rapped herself in the Bible Belt and checked it twice to make sure nothing unholy slipped passed her grip - is now Jewish.

I hated computers and am now heavily indebted to them for my daily living and paycheck

She was told she could not bear children and is now the mother of a beautiful boy and getting her Masters degree (so proud of you).

My parents, swore they would never move back up North - they are once again in New Jersey.

Do we actually go through the process of maturation? Through everyday life expriences, do we actually change as people, as we learn to understand the world better? It's not what happens to you, it's how you deal with it. That seems to be the only answer,

What made us deal with the events in our lives the way we did? If hindsight is always 20/20 then why did we make the choices we did? Why did I walk away from that relationship? Oh yeah, so he wouldn't choke me. I wanted to be a vagabond living on pennies and travel the world, why am I a corporate slave? I wanted our relationship to last forever or I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted a better job, but I love the people I work with. I wanted a better car - but this one looks cooler.. or this one's not as cool but runs smoother. No matter what, there were things that I thought of as the truth, the way it was. And that was that.
Then something comes along, and it all changes.

Everything that I’m so sure about in my life, in my oh-so-intellectual philosophy and worldview, could change in a second. It could all change in a brief moment. I am reminded of The Never Ending Story when Atayu is given the tiny beam of light to make new wishes, new dreams, and to lay out a new plan for the changed world. The people in it are forever evolving and revolving around one another.

I hear my mothers words ringing in my head, whenever I am faced with change or indifference, she simply says, "ADJUST"

Monday

2005-01-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good." Author Unknown

Monday morning -my new sleigh bed with the 800 thread count sheets felt like a warm embrace . Is it really Monday? ...Already?

5:30 am - alarm goes off I should be getting up and going for a morning run
6:20 - bed feels so warm - accidently kick the cat who is sleeping at my feet
(f*%$ing Cat!)

7:00 - I should have gone for my run
7:02 Phone is ringing - it's Rea - I'll call you back
7:03 Phone is ringing again - ( I crawl under the covers and kick the cat again - dang cat!)
7:06 It's Rea calling again - Must be important - okay ...I'm up -

We brieflydiscuss the ramifications of the past weekend and the actions that were taken. Laughing and worrying about the "out of character experience"

On my way to work - talk to Dad on the phone - second big hug for the day -

Boss just walked in my office - the company that bought our former parent company is pulling their acquired account manager out of our office - Don Quixote is taking over his acounts and I get my DQ (aka my boss) accounts to manage - Gee Thank-you I was already dizzy from the work piling up on my desk and now I get Don Quixote's accounts - At least it's job security.

"How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg."Abraham Lincoln

I'm not the only one losing it

2005-01-30T14:49:00.000-08:00

First Brad and Jen - now Nicky and Paris?

It is rumored that Nicky and Paris are going separate ways. Their relationship has been strained because Paris was caught on tape using the N-word -this didn not sit to well with Nicole as her father, Lionel Richie, is black. Yes ladies and gentlemen Miss Hilton has once again proven she is the semblance of trash.

What is the world coming to?

Something ... in time

2005-01-29T16:07:00.000-08:00

Something weird just happened - I am getting "fixed" up. I believe it all started last week at Starbucks. Yes my dear, the world does indeed revolve around Starbucks. The world ends at Starbucks on West Grey where there is a Starbucks on either side of the street ... the end of the consumer world. I digress. So it all started last Saturday when I was with Rea and noticed a very tall edgy guy. In my dignified, and very hung over Stevie Nicks voice simply said, "HUBBA HUBBA" - the next day I got THE CALL. "Hey Jess, I went shopping and found someone for you." For me? Equally as excited I felt like a kid going to Grandma's house waiting patiently till Grandma pulls out that special prize. You never really do know what to do with the prize but play with it none the less. Her friend has a friend who would be perfect for me... and so the diatribe begins. Okay, tell him to call me. Several days went by, Rea said, "Has he called you?" Um...no. Next day, once again, "Has he called?" -No (not holding my breath). Next day, Rea says, " My friend forgot to give him your number. But he's got it now"

He called today - TODAY the day that I feel as though my brain has been sucked out of my head and someone has scrubbed it up and down on an aluminum washboard and rung it out to remove the excess liquid. As I sat there talking to him - I tried to focus and talk of mundane matters -... when in doubt - talk about sports. We spoke for a good 30 minutes. He seems like a real cool guy, attorney, edgy, fun, knows how to party ... and likes football - I'm in. However, as luck would have it, our schedules are so crazy that we can't get together until the week after next. Typical.

Met some more crazy NFL football players last night - during the course of an insane night. It was one of those moments in time when your standing there, watching your surroundings, and thinking, is this really happening? Got in from the par-tay at 5:00 a.m. safe and sound. I do not believe I have slept as late as I did since I was 12. Weird times.

Virtual WAR

2005-01-24T09:30:00.000-08:00

'Robot soldiers' bound for IraqBBC NewsSunday, 23 January 2005

The US military is planning to deploy robots armed with machine-guns to wage war against insurgents in Iraq. Eighteen of the 1m-high robots, equipped with cameras and operated by remote control, are going to Iraq this spring, the Associated Press reports. The machine is based on a robot already used by the military to disable bombs.Officials say the robot warrior is fast, accurate and will track and attack the enemy with relatively little risk to the lives of US soldiers.Unlike its human counterparts, the armed robot does not require food, clothing, training, motivation or a pension. When not needed in war, it can be mothballed in a warehouse. A US officer who helped test the robot said it was a more accurate shot than the average soldier because it is mounted on a stable platform and takes aim electronically.

There are plans to replace the computer screen, joysticks and keypad in the remote-control unit with a Gameboy-style controller and virtual-reality goggles.

Remove the reality of war from the mind and make the experience a little more "virtual". This will make slaughtering another 100,000 Iraqis less painful for the soldiers at the controls of these robots, if indeed they are capable of feeling pain for another human being.

Integrity and Respect

2005-01-22T14:07:00.000-08:00

"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will."
- John D. MacDonald

During the course of a relationship rather that be between a friend, family member, acquaintance, or a potential boyfriend/girlfriend a person is given automatic respect. Respect to who they are, what they stand for, how they carry themselves, and respect for those close to them. When that respect is lost -even if it is chalked off because of a drunken night (no excuse) - the relationship or potential of one has a dark cloud hanging over it. How long does it take for one to put the pieces of their heart back together when two people have hurt you. Two people who claim they, "had a momentary lapse of judgement".

I have been told several times that I expect to much from people, am I expecting to much from those I respect?

Obsession

2005-01-19T10:35:00.000-08:00

I just bought a pedometer and think I may be getting a little obsessed with it. Is it weird that I know its'24 steps to the diet coke machine, 5 steps to my office mates desk chancelb.blogspot.com, 123 steps to the fax machine and 96 steps to the bathroom.

Obsessed?? Just a little

Troubled

2005-01-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

Can't sleep and cant stay awake enough to talk on the phone. This roomate thing is really bothering me - as I want to believe so strongly there is a good person buried deep with in the depths of her soul. Is it her heart that beats so strong and loud it echoes into my room? Or is it the childish laughter I share with her that makes me not want to give up on this friendship?We are not sheep or cows when we refuse to like someone - but when they embarass you time and time again... I suppose what makes each friend different is evident in each smile they give. Sure she's an attractive gal and will get you attention but substance will get you time. And afterall that is what we want, correct? Lengthy life, relationships, wealth, health, sunsets, daydreams and dinners. The rarity of the combination is so evident that I have a tear reserved specifically for each moment when I see this uniqueness in my true friends. I do not try to define my true friends but I hold enough wisdom to see the objective characteristics that make up solely what and who they are. I am still torn to let the friendship go and lose the roomate or to thank her for resisting the temptation to lose herself in the crowd, lower her inhibitions and act ... ... like a twit - crap I think I just answered the question.