Have you ever

Have you ever got that sinking feeling. Like you found a whole in the hardwood floor and are stuck between the first and second floor. Shelley Long and Tom Hanks in The Money Pit. You are oh - so - vulnerable and can't do anything about it. There you are slaving away workin for da man, sitting at your desk with a mountain of work and a list of people to call back. Your phone is ringing, engineers are coming in your office asking questions about your accounts. Stage left your boss walks in looking past everything else and tells you to write a SOF and drive 2 hours to visit a client. 3 minutes later your best friend calls you crying. It's all to much.

I get to walk away at 5:00 p.m. - Lately it's been more like 6 or 7:00 which is fine as the end is near. The time where I get back from the gym, grab my book, turn off my phone, and lay on my bed - it's quiet. There is nothing. Almost done with old Blondie, soon no one. No one there to bother me, no one there calling my name asking me to come and chase the monsters away. No one there yelling because their brother or sister is hitting them. Silence. Alone. Nothing. Yes it's lonely. But comfortable.

Yesterday after gorging ourselves on wine and Easter dinner we sat at the table discussing the Shivo case, kids birthdays, holidays, kids, kids, and kids. I was the only single one there. The others were family and close personal friends whom discussed times when they had reached the end. The kids were crying, yelling, screaming, they had been acting up for weeks and there was no end in sight. At these times, they look at their children thinking how something with such a wretched temper could come from me. Day dreams of late night clubbing and vacations in Tahiti dance in their mind. Suddenly two of the boys run inside out of breath from playing PIG and give their mom a big hug. All is forgotten as the love spreads throughout the room. Later that night, they pack their belongings, say goodbye and head home together.

So here I sit, in peace and quiet, my own private Idaho - not really. Where is that crazy cat, Joe? Joe - Joe? Hey baby, it's 11:11 did you make a wish?

In Peace

She's with the Angels now smiling down on Jason and Keri --

On my way home yesterday a homeless man was holding a sign that said, "Homeless Republican” I laughed. The base of the Republican Party is personal accountability and govt. hands off. The Republican Party platform would leave me to believe, if one is homeless they should try- try - and try again to get a job and not beg for money. A true Right Winged Conservative would never give the "Homeless Republican" hand outs. However, a wave of change has washed over the Republican Party as "compassionate conservatives" emerge. President Bush defines this term as, “It is compassionate to actively help our fellow citizens in need. It is conservative to insist on responsibility and results."

I am registered as an Independent but lean Republican. I gave the guy two bucks.

yup.

This girl's gotta lean to clean up her mouth...and keyboard, I guess.

Apparently, profanity counts as "spamlike" material. Our spam filter keeps censoring my outgoing emails. I already know I need to filter my mouth , especially after a couple of cocktails.

I've handled one of four man-options. An ex issue is being born, and I'll need to deal with -that- over the weekend for sure.

Why can't I own more than one "pair of shoes?" I am fully able to maintain them with loyalty, interest and respect. At least I think I could. If only they could coexist!

Sigh. I just hate having to choose.

Barry Bonds is the King of Cliché’s

Short and sweet b/c I don’t really have time to blog today, as you can tell. I don’t feel any pity for Barry Bonds at all. He has just returned from having surgery on his knees. Yeah – smart move buddy – let’s wait until right before the season openers to have surgery and you just HAPPEN to be in the middle of a steroid controversy. He said to the media while leaning on his crutch, “Make sure you get a picture of my son so you can see how much you (the media) have hurt my family.” Where is this kid’s agent? Surely child labor laws of some applet court have addressed this issue previously. Bonds said he is drained and is trying to make us believe he is a dedicated family man and states, “I am tired of my kids crying.” Then why is he using them for his better gain? Heck even Jack-o has the sense to drape sheets over his kids or make them wear funny masks. Were you trying to prove that your testicles hadn’t shrunk b/c of the steroids and you were fertile? Okay – we get it – just leave the kids out of it.

Note To Self

GET A LIVING WILL

Apparently I am a Lepar

Some people don’t understand it; others envy it, and some just scoff and think I am foolish. So be it – the world will continue to revolve and stay balanced on its axis.

My office mates have gone out to lunch with out me a few times. Granted the days they have done this I have been running around the office on the phone, sending emails, blogging, etc. giving them that look like I am in the tryouts for the office Olympics award of the year. Upon their return, I have to give them a hard time and pretend I am hurt for mere amusement. We volley back and forth with sarcastic remarks but the conversation always ends in, “You’re a Vegetarian.”

I am different – I don’t have a disease. I haven’t ate meat since I was 6 years old. I am not a member of PETA and could care less if the guy I am with wants to have a steak for dinner. I’ll slice the steak and pick out the one with the best marbling. When people find out I am a vegetarian they gasp like I have just told them I cleaned out my closet and found Bin Laden. What is this world coming to – a vegetarian in Texas?

Do Indians say Holy Cow as an expression?

Closer to Sanity

It's almost official - the countdown has begun. I am edging closer to sanity as my days with old blondie are almost over. Move out day is April 2nd - YIPEEE!!!!

Sharing a memory

He stood there on the plywood floor scanning the crowd, amused by the colors and pulsating enthusiasm of the crowd. He let the spectacle carry on a minute to long, knowing he would be reprimanded and called into the back office. The whistle blew, then the horn. Time to make his move, his palms sweat as he felt the flex of the gun in his hands searching for his target. Then, he found his victims. They were sitting together, distracted and disillusioned by their surroundings. The children were bouncing up and down staring starry eyed at the cotton candy trey. Mom was staring off in space planning her next hair style while Dad casually committed to memory the fetching brunette walking past them. He shifted his vehicle into gear and felt the electromotive force beneath him as he lunged toward his target. He closed in on them, gripped the gun, and pulled the trigger. He shot them. They were under a COB of silly string. He stood there with the perma grin on his mask emptying all the string in the gun. The children burst out laughing while Mom and Dad caught each others eyes. After the gun was emptied, he chuckled to himself then rode away. Dad took the string and wrapped it around his daughters head while she threw it on her little brother. Mom was busy watching the scene and committing it to memory while trying to clean her Brooks Brothers shirt. After the laughter and humor of the situation dyed down. Mom and Dad looked at each other stretching across the children and kissed.
I witnessed Clutch (Rockets mascot) create the scene last night at the Rockets Game (WE WON). I was a minimum of 50 ft. from the family and shared this memory with them. I have no doubt they will remember this for the rest of their lives. They have no idea, I shared it with them. I feel a little guilty for prying, almost like reading someone's blog. But we put it out there for conversations sake. To share memories, to remember the pivotal times in our lives and the inconsequential ones.
I have a memory from a basketball game when I was just a kid attending a Harlem Globetrotters game. Curly picked me - ME - out of the crowd and twirled a basketball on my finger. I remember it, so do my mom and dad.

Happy St. Patricks Day!

As the afternoon drags on, a more existential type of angst will set in. Good Lord, was I put on this earth to be a corporate wage slave? Run around from place to place getting worn out doctors to sign on the dotted line. I'll probably die in a plane crash before I get to climb a mountain, sky dive, become a mother, or a wife - what order is that supposed to happen in? Maybe I will catch a horrible disease. Hell, the horrible disease has probably already lodged itself in my body. The Bird Flu! I caught it from the guy who snuggled to close to me in the elevator. What were those white spots on his shirt?
Clearly, I am destined to die before finding true, lasting, meaningful love. Is it possible I could at least have lasting, meaningful sex before I die?

That's Just TodayLast night, I was on top of the world. I thought to myself: I'm exactly the person I wanted to be when I was growing up. I am a sexy, single girl with a Sex and the City lifestyle (minus all the shoes, llingerie, and money. But, I do have girlfriends who have time to brunch with me).

I don't want to be a Drama Mamma

He called I was on a sugar high and answered the phone . OUCH - this hurts I can't breathe, I can't even speak I feel like I stubbed my toe. Make that all of my toes. The air has left my lungs and my stomach feels like I have reached the bottom of a volcano not knowing how to escape. I'm stuck, it's cold and I can't move or talk.

He said: "Hello - can you here me? What if I stay?"
Me: "Um," slowly the words crawl out of my mouth like a worm trying to work it's way up from the dirt - either way - it's still a worm with dirt on it. (eeeewww) "That's nice, I am glad you have made a positive decision and can move forward. Houston is a great city.
Him: "Would you like to have coffee sometime?"
Me: "You don't drink coffee and I gave it up for Lent, perhaps in a few weeks." By this time I just want to get off the phone and finish by saying, "Work is crazy right now, my boss has me working harder than an ugly stripper. Can I give you a call after things settle down?"
Him: There's a pause, he knows I won't call him, "Okay, and it's good to hear from you"
Me: "You too, take care."

After I hang up the phone, I am okay. I breathe a sigh of relief then laugh at what a complete dork I am. An UGLY STRIPPER - From now on no mixing cabbage patch kids with good and plenty's. That snack sounds like something Michael Jackson would have at Never Never Land -now I've done it

Do you remember when you were a kid and did something bad? Like talk during class? The teacher would make you write 500x "I will not talk in class"? I still talk in class and crack jokes to those sitting next to me in meetings, but I feel as though I should write 500x I will not talk about "him" anymore. It's done - but strangely it still amuses me. This is when I suddenly realize that I have moved on. Can you see the sky opening up and hear the cheesy symphony music is playing in the background?

Rusty China Doll

Random things are on my mind this morning. I can't seem to focus on anything. I just got back in from a long run - it's absolutely gorgeous weather. My buddy Chris was out on his motorcycle cruising around in River Oaks and almost hit me. May I add that he did not have a helmet on either - double wammy - is that how you spell wammy or is it wamme? Crud some people reading this might now even know what a wamme is. Crazy monkey - I have a thing for monkey's and midgets - I know it's weird and strange - perhaps I shouldn't type that. I went on an appointment last week to a 4 physician practice - the waiting room was full and they had a NOW SERVING sign. The type of big digital sign you see at the deli (if I went to a deli). I can't stop thinking about how impersonal that is. Churn and burn - I almost wanted to walk away from the deal but truth be told the head doctor was really cute and single - I digress ... again.

What's really on my mind is Friday night Shad (broke my heart) sends me a text message and asks, "If you were a hot dog and were really hungry would you eat yourself"
I replied, "If I was a gay man yes, If you count a dog's tail as a leg - how many legs does the dog have?" It went back and forth like this for a while and then he tells me he is not moving and is going to embrace Houston. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I am okay with this, but of course I was already drinking martini's at a neighbors. Then home to get ready to meet up with a bunch of pals. I handled the situation like a mature adult (sarcasm) and got drunk . . . to make the night even stranger - I ran into the guy I was on a date with several months ago who kissed my best friend during the course of the date. He had the gall to say, "I really liked you, I was drunk - can I call you?" I laughed.

I have to go get ready to go to my nieces b-day party - Happy birthday Megan (Nutmeg)!

It's one of those days where I just want to jump on a trampoline and kiss the sky.

I am in such a good mood I am getting on my own nerves.

sack o

I can't help it. I can't look away - in my best valley girl voice I scream, "it completely, like totally, grosses me out." But I can't look away - I listen in a distant fashion as though I am trying to ignore the cricket that has wedged it's way into my wall. I want to ignore it, yet am intrigued by the tenor of the crowd and symphonic sounds that surround the noise. Thanks to modern day technology I am updated at the click of a button and a scroll of the mouse as it zooms across the pad.

Michael Jackson has a warrant out for his arrest b/c he was not in the court room when the Judge entered this a.m. His lawyer stated he was in the hospital due to health problems.

My $.02 - health problems of being a complete FREAK and looking like a monkey - not to mention that he is mentally unstable, what type of "man" invites kids to sleep in his bed. More importantly what type of parent allows their child to sleep over a 48 year old man's house?

Apple doesn't fall far

Bean is right, my blog is a lot more interesting when there is a man in my life. I am on a dating hiatus right now and am enjoying not being my obsessive self. When is he going to call? I want to get to know him better. I think we would make a good match. We seem to have plenty of things in common - 10 fingers and 10 toes (see I can count). It's like an extended recess where all you do is play solitaire.

So for now, I'll stick to talking about POPS

I have made a solemn vow to never talk about work in this blog as I truly do love my job - it's absolutely pathetic how much I love my job, however it seems my office mate is upset about the fact that my boss,DQ, calls me Grasshopper.

Wed: afternoon email banter with PopS

Me: "Dad, is it bad that my boss calls me Grasshopper?"
Dad: "Tell him Kung Fu! That was a TV show in the 70’s with David Carradine. There were flashbacks to his youth where the zen master called him Grasshopper."
Me: "Man, your old"
Dad: "That was the improper use of the word your. Shoulda bin you’r. “Your” denotes ownership….ergo the sentence should have continued, stating what of mine is old!!"
Me : "Shoulda? I do believe you mean should have – as in, should have been what of you’rs is old"

Still feeling like I am being hit with a wet noodle on the eyeball at work - DQ is drivin the slave chain -

I am purring on the inside.
Even though I am not a cat person, per se. I feel happy. Like I peeled off all of the Mr. Yuck Stickers from my water bottle.
I am so relieved to no longer feeling like a monkey hanging from the rafters.

a happy camper with out the mud. Still a work in progress ...speaking of, back to work.

Two Of my favorite people got married this weekend. Keri and Jayson - congrats!
They have been engadged for about 2 years, the wedding was scheduled to occur, "when they have enough money saved" . They have the happy ending a lot of people envy and lack which is why our divorce rate is so high but, I digress. They truly found a best friend and lover in one another - thanks to that fateful day when Keri forgot her jacket and J offered her his. Sadly his mom is losing her battle with time. About 3 weeks ago I get an email with the Wedding invite attached. I rapidly respond with a YES YES -I can not miss this RSVP and am surprised at how soon the wedding is. J responds, and I cry out of happiness and love. His mother has had cancer and it has progressively become worse.It's terminal and is not doing well.
The wedding was held at the San Luis Resort in Galveston (thumbs up). It was a small wedding, 60 of their closest family and friends (honored to be invited) Keri was stunning as always. With the exception of my sisters and sister-in-laws, I do not believe I have seen a bride glow as she did. Jayson, always the good looking edgy jokester looked sharp. The ceremony was performed on the lawn with the background of the gulf. As they were announced, Mr. & Mrs. Brooks and walked away a roaring round of applause was heard. High on the balconies was roughly 200 people, obviously this was better than pay per view.
The reception was held in the resort ball room. Keri and her father danced to some country song. Then came the mother son dance. J - picked his mother up from the wheelchair and glided her across the floor dancing to Wind Beneath My Wings. Not a dry eye in the room.

Later that night I ran into some old school friends. It was great to see them all out again. I smile at how we have all changed and are the same group of goobers who still make me laugh. Like a rare gem kept in a lock box, you cherish their friendship even though you don't see them very often.

I DID IT!

Scene from Steele Magnolias (1989)

Truvy: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past.
Clairee: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past.
Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past

I hired to design my blog and rescue me from the weak southern waify template of pink (I love pink, but my eyes are going to get a visionary pump if another color does not become the "next best thing soon". Everything changes and we all evolve. Pink is the new black and straight is the new guy. Yada Yada

I digress. . . I will have to wait 6 weeks due to their back log.

T and I also bought a 6 game package for the Rockets which guarantees us tix to the playoffs before they go on sale to the general public (woohoo!). I am so happy they broke their losing streak - after losing 3 games in a row - I didn't know if they could pull it off with out my buddies press (he's still out - due to scar tissue)

Stress Reliever - this job is killin me

Slam middle finger in closing file drawer. Proceed to show everyone your on-the-job injury.

Trip over shoe lace as walking down the hall and blame the engineers

Today, I had fun at my bosses expense (I couldn't help myself). When I came to this company 2 years ago I found a decapitated samurai statue. He has lived under the veil of my desk.

My boss is cracking the whip this month to make sure we blow away the other hospitals. When I say "cracking the whip" I mean he is hitting me on the eyeball with a wet noodle. When I got back from my appts. this morning I placed the decapitated statue on DQ's desk with a sign that reads,

"This person did not fill out the MHHNP Secure Suite Quote and did not meet their sales Quota"

It kept him going for 20 minutes. He still doesn't know it was me who did it.

It's our little secret.

Go Fish in a Martini

Remember playing cards when you were a kid? Go Fish, Old Maid, Uno, and 52 CARD PICK UP (my brothers would get me with that one all the time). They would tease and taunt me,
Brothers: "Hey j-bird, let's play cards"
Me: "Okay, what are we playing?"
Brothers: "52 Card Pick up HA HA" they would toss the cards all over the room as though a vacuum bag had exploded igniting the room with dirt.
Me: "Your not funny, MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I chuckle at the experience now, but this is probably why I currently don't know how to play poker or black jack. That's all about to change.

Tonight's menu: Poker for Dummies (no joke). Good gal pals, martini's, and learning the art of a poker game. We all know how to catch a ball, throw a ball, know what a first down is, a line drive, clearing the puck, full court press,what on deck means, what a "pancake glove", an RBI,tip off, over and under, how to make a sale, write a published paper, a good business transaction, etc... but one of the many things we all truly want to learn is how to play poker. It's on my list.
Next on the list.....anyone willing to wager?