Sassy Suspect

The misadventures of a single gal trying to find the balance and humor in every day life.

May 11, 2005

Skipping Record

Apparently he works on Quarters, calling every 3 months to see if his lossess have made any gains or future investments. Babe, it's like a 401K you forgot to transfer - time to chalk it up as a loss.

A Year Ago - b/c he called today
Children should be told that a good thing in life will not wait forever.
We spend 6 months of our lives waiting in line passing time waiting for things to happen. Standing there unable to move. Blood racing through our veins, cells mutating, heart pounding, growth and reproduction is inevitable.

But there I stood in my sterile world unable to move waiting.

And I stopped reading the strategically placed emails while my cell phone remained silent. So that any live conversations are postponed until “he is READY” to deal with it. Maybe it is not that he does not love or is being selfish, maybe he just exists in every current moment (why I think I should feel little better). Perhaps he is in love with being in love. Like a child who gets a new toy leaving behind the older tattered one. The new one appears shiny. For that moment, he ranks his trip to gym, or a drink with that woman he said was a buddy a higher priority than me.

Marginal utility of everything around him is deemed equal, conveniently, so that in that make believe equilibrium, it is justified for him to not sacrifice one thing over another, me over others.
For each moment I am spending wondering about what we had, between us I am over-drafting my bank of dignity and self respect. All the while putting it in a bottomless bag of love that I was dying to hang on to, scared to lose, unable to leave behind, and ready to share.

But in the world of love by the selfish and the weak-hearted, we will only be truly missed when we are gone, not being there when in demand.

I did not want to stay around for Mr. Preoccupied while I continue acting cool and aloof.

File under memories


  • At 4:02 PM , Blogger jopada said...

    hmmmmm... Was that the response I was looking for? Not so much... Not trying to flatter you and def. not trying to stalk you. I spent a bit of my life as a private investigator and have no interest spending any more of my life watching somebody else’s life. What do you honestly think of the storyline? Oh, wait. You didn’t think I was serious, did you? I am. Really. Please let me know about any interest what so ever or, if this is not your cup of latte, just let me know.

  • At 5:55 AM , Blogger jopada said...

    P.S. Supply and Demands theories aren't just for economics. You just need to be a little more selective on who you give your heart to. Hard thing for an aries to do, I know. Liquid fire runs through our passionate hearts and it's hard to understand why other don't throw themselves into relationships as we do. Oh, just except being romanticly inclined has it's perks and pitfalls.

  • At 6:45 AM , Blogger Irfan said...

    I say you love and live. If you ain't going to put your heart out there, is it really worth it?

  • At 9:26 AM , Anonymous ghost said...

    so i know this isnt really a proper time to say this but i cant really think of a good time for it at all so here ya go. while reading this post that pat benatoar song, love is a battle field started playing in my head.

    ...and now it wont stop.


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